Hi, I live in North Carolina. My elderly parents live with me, my wife
and child and they pay nothing toward utilities or mortgage. They buy
their own food because they refuse to eat our healthy way. I want them
to move out now as it is causing problems in my marriage of two years.
I have spoken to them nicely but they refuse to go because my other
siblings have told them I can't make them. My other siblings would
have to contribute to their living expenses if they leave so that is
why they are telling them to stay here. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO LEGALLY
IN THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA TO GET THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE? Thanks for
your help and have a great day. John

You need to be a man and tell your wife how it's gonna be. So long as
your parents are polite to her, she should keep her trap shut. If they
aren't very nice to her, you need to explain to them that they darn
well better be. Be very respectful about it, but unyieldingly firm.

Then tell your sibs that they must share in the love and filial warmth
that you get hosting your parents-- you don't want to be selfish, do
you? Pay for the transport to the farthest sibling. Tell them they've
got mum and dad for six months. Watch the love.

Of course, if any sib declines the offer they probably shouldn't be in
the will. Let them explain to mum and dad why they don't want them to
visit.

You are the poppa. Act like it.



Wow, I'm in a foul fettle today.

You certainly can make them. The fact that they are relatives doesn't
have any effect on how they can be evicted. This link might help:

            http://www.rentlaw.com/northcarolinatenant.htm

Here is a link to the proper paperwork:

            http://www.nupplegal.com/nceviction.html

The actual statutes can be found in Chapter 42 of the North Carolina
General Statutes.  Here's a link to that:

http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/EnactedLegislation/Statutes/HTML/ByChapter/Chapter_42.html


Hope some of this helps.

its seems like a very cruel thing to do as far as I can see. I hope
your child doesnt take this as a lesson to throw you out later from
his life or his house.

Does the questioner actually need to have recourse to tenancy law? It
seems to me that his parents are houseguests, not tenants. If so, they
can be asked to leave. It would be compassionate to give them notice,
so that they can make other arrangements.

if your parents have been living at your house for a period of time,
then no matter if they pay rent or not they have established tenancy
thus you will need to file in landlord tenant court for eviction
without a written lease it may take a month or two which should be
interesting while they live in the same house but they will needed to
be personally served court date set etc.

where did you parents live before this? was there any verball
agreement before they moved in like they gave you cash for downpayment
in exchange for staying in house? was it their house and they sold it
at discount to you in exchange for staying in house? seems more then
what is stated

I think markvnmd is/was not in cruel fettle.   I agree with his
comment.  If they are guests in your and your wife's house, they
should behave as guests:  uncritical, discrete, hopefully with their
own space.  If there is an extra room that they can use as a sitting
room  - even a small one -  make it theirs.  It is rough having to
tell aged parents that your own marriage is more important to you. 
Even if the points raised in Gozzy's second paragraph apply, they did
not buy the right to mix up your marriage.
Sit down with your wife and discuss the situation, hopefully finding
an agreement/pact on how you together will handle the matter.  Just
like with raising kids, it is important that you avoid any playing off
of one against the other.  And then talk to them, maybe first with the
parent who seems more understanding, and as Mark said, very
respefully, but firm.  If you can support your position with examples
from their own marriage when raising you and your siblings  - good
ones or bad ones -  maybe that will help.

I hope so.

Thank you all for your comments. I spoke with my parents nicely before
I posted this questionbut it did not help. I spoke with my sister
before I told them and she thought my proposal of $200 a month from
each child donated to my parents for a place to live is very
reasonable and fair. 5 children x $200 = $1000. I found a nice first
floor two bedromm apartment for $700 a month but they still refuse to
go. When I told them their first response was my one brother could not
afford $200 a month which is baloney. They have lived with me now for
6 years rent and utility free. Prior to this I paid the mortgage for
the apartment they lived in, that I owned, so they paid no rent. My
wife of two years, child and myself need our own space now. I have a
brother that makes $500,000 a year with his wife making $200,000 but
they don't offer up anything. I know what I need to do now. Thanks for
all your comments including the "smart A". I would hate to be married
to her.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and
mother, and shallcleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one
flesh?

Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and
cleave to his wife;

Ephesians 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,
and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.


I say it's an exceptional situation that involves you living with your
parents while married and is best avoided if possible.  Why not sell
the house and go arctic exploring for a year and see if they come with
you?  No legal force required!

jcjjr1954,

I have been following this thread, I feel for you. What a terrible
position to be in. I think I may have a solution for you, difficult as
it may be to get it done, if you are determined, it will work.

Rent the apartment you found for them. Take some pictures, and show
them to your parents. Call a mover, one that does packing and moving,
and set a day for them to come over and pack/move.

At this point you have 2 choices, you can arrange to have your parents
out of the house that day, or, you can tell your parents (not ask)
--that this is happening on X day, and what time they will arrive.

The movers come and get it done. I would even pay a bit extra to have
them set up the furniture, make the bed, hang up clothes, put the
dishes in the cabinets, put away the food, and unpack things that
might be difficult for them alone.

Having anticipated a problem, you have IN ADVANCE called the
non-emergency line to your local police and informed them of the
situation. It's possible they have (like in my city), what are called
"Community Service Officers" that deal with this type of thing daily.
In Seattle, you can actually "make an appointment" with a CSO and they
will come to the residence and assist, they do so by being on the
property, sitting out front, and will gently speak to your parents and
tell them they have a great new apartment, and that you need the room,
and the movers will get everything set up for them.

It will be difficult, but it can be done with little fanfare, with
dignity and respect --if you simply give no choice, arrange the move,
and inform the non-emergency police in advance.

Of course if you simply had them out of the house, the movers can
swoop in while they are having brunch across town. WHen you take them
home, guess what, you take them to their new apartment.  Same plan as
the other, you will want to notify thhe non-911 police.

If you like this idea, tell me your city and I will locate the CSO in
your area and post in the answer box.

~~Cynthia

I feel it's something very cruel for you to move your parents out of
your house. Without them, do you think you exist in this world ?..and
think of this as well..one fine day, you're going to  be old too. You
children may do the same to you. There will causes and effects in
life.  Your parents is your responsiblity and you ought to take care
of them with pride. They're not your burden. You can have more then
one wife but you can only have one father, one motherr. So don't be
cruel

noohceel, I agree that he should value his parents, but I think it's
BS that they are putting him in this situation. Sure, they brought him
into this world, but they brought him into it to LIVE. THink about it
from the other perspective - when the parents were his age, they
probably wouldnt want THEIR own parents to ruin their marriage.

It is sweet that his parents have children that are supporting them,
since they are too broke to retire at their own buck. 1000/month is
alot of money for his parents to expect without appreciation. Just
like how he had to show respect for his parents, the breadwinners,
they must return the respect to their children when they are being
taken care of.

Thanks for posting this controversial issue. It's been a great
read...best of luck - i hope you will post the outcome of this
situation ;)

First, before you taken any of the steps suggested, see if you and
your wife can get some counseling.  Maybe in therapy the two of you
can come up with ways to keep your parents from creating problems in
your marriage.  If you have a strong marriage, your parents shouldn't
be able to cause problems in it.

Now, I'm no expert, though I have permitted a rent-free tenant on my
property before.  If I were you, here's what I would do:

I would go to my parents with a lease for them to sign.  You can go to
just about any office supply store and get a lease appropriate to your
state for around $40 or less.

Whether or not a lessor is paying rent, it is CRITICAL to obtain a
lease from them.  A lease protects _your_ legal rights as a landlord
and _their_ legal rights as tenants.  This makes it easier for all
concerned if it comes down to  eviction, and it also allows
you--within certain limits-- to establish the terms and conditions of
their staying with you.

I'd also talk to my home insurance agent about the effect on my home
insurance of having rent-free lessors in my home--additional coverage
might be required.

Then I would tell my parents that, since they intend for my home to be
their legal residence, it's required that I have a signed lease from
them to give to the insurance company.  I'd also tell them I need it
in order to take advantage of certain tax credits. (In a lot of states
you can write off repairs to rental property on your taxes, for
example.)  I'd tell them that this is serious business--if I don't
have a signed lease from them, it could cause a lot of problems if
there was ever a house fire or anything like that.

If my parents still refused to sign the lease, I'd then check with an
attorney.  If the parents have established tenancy, you'll have to
retain the services of an attorney for assistance in removing them
from your property.

If the attorney verified that they don't have tenancy, I'd tell them
to leave by the appropriate date and cite the law.

If they still refused, I'd call the police and have them arrested for
trespassing, because at that point legally they're just obnoxious
house guests.  But that's taking a bad problem and making it really
ugly--you'll have to be prepared for the entire family to hate you
until you die if you do that.


I have to say, though: this looks to be a pretty ugly situation.  Your
siblings have stuck you with the financial and physical burden of
caring for your elderly parents, and they've got you in a position to
where, if you try to force your parents out, you're the bad guy no
matter how justified you are.

If you choose not to force them out, get the lease ready for them to
sign.  Then then tell your parents that, in order to continue staying
with you, you must have power of attorney in case one or both of them
should fall ill suddenly and be unable to make decisions.  Tell them
that--as their primary caretaker and landlord--you have to be involved
in their legal affairs: living wills, get designated their healthcare
advocate, be names sole executor of their estate, make sure you're in
charge of insurance, wills, funeral plans, the whole nine yards. 
Because there's no point in them staying with you if you can't take
full care of them.

When your parents _do_ finally pass away, your siblings will be quite
surprised to discover that you're the sole child left in the will and
the sole heir to the estate.  Because, after all, you took care of Ma
and Pa until the very end, so why should they be entitled to anything?

Magstheaxe, requiring a power of attorney under your guidelines may
actually void it. The grantor cannot be coerced.

My mother has lived with me for 7 years and now at the age of 85 she
is becoming increasingly difficult to care for since I work full time
and I'm always afraid she will fall or set the house on fire when I'm
gone. When my sister and I suggested that it was time for her to go
into assisted living, she refused. I felt bad to try and make her do
it so I gave in and let her stay; much to my sister's chagrin; with
the proviso that someday the time would come for her to go. She
agreed. (I suppose she never thought that day would come.) Well that
day is here and my sister and I are in total agreement about it now.
We have put it to my mother in no uncertain terms that she will be
going. We found a wonderful place for her and we are making all the
arrangements. She will go next month and suprisingly enough once we
made our decision and made it final, she gave us no more trouble. She
is subdued and still making noises about not being able to afford it,
but she knows it is a done deal. Maybe if you made arrangements for
your parents and made it a fait accompli, they would have no choice
but to accept your decision. Good Luck to you and may God bless you
and your parents.

I agree with lorryrae, it's too bad that John/jcjjr1954 hasn't been
back to read the recent posts, I'm sure he'd have something to say.

It's not eviction when you have a place for them to go, and you move
them and get them set up in their new place, hopefully near you!

magstheaxe, you are making this way more complex than necessary. He
wants them OUT, --he does not want them to sign a lease, call his
insurance, etc, although if this was a question about what to consider
if aged parents were moving IN, that would be good advice.

Thank you for all the comments on my parents but some have
misinterpreted what I wrote. First, I have provided for them by giving
them a place to live paying their rent and utilies for 6 years and
then letting them live with me for free for 6 years. My bothers 3 HAVE
NOT contributed one dime. My mother is a alcholic and prescription
drug addict 72 years old and my father is a disfunctional control
person. I asked them to leave nicely 3 months ago offering to
contribute a new bedroom suite, kitchen tables and chairs, a sofa and
love seat. In addition, I would give them $200 a month for their rent
and utilities and my brothers and sister should give them the same so
it comes to $1000. That would cover all their living expenses. My
brothers and sister have refused to contribute anything. The reason
they have no money is they had to spend it on my oldest brother, a
drug addict, whose has been clean and working for 4 years, bailing him
out of trouble for the last 25 years. THis is the story and now I have
no choice but to have them removed by law. Thanks for the comments.

I am very sorry to hear how the situation is going.
Thanks for taking the trouble to come back.
All the best, Myoarin