13 Years ago, while living in Florida I had an affair with a married
woman, she then seperated from her husband for a short time and told
me the child was mine.  I was there with her for the birth of the
child and was told my name would not be on birth certificate because
she was married and only the husbands name could be put on the birth
certificate.  We later broke up and did not have contact for a while,
I tried to see my daughter, but would be told I could not see her if I
made her mother angry or if her terms were not met.  because of this I
have had limited contact with her, I do not want to cause any undo
harm to her with being in and out of her life.  When I got Married
five years later, my wife incouraged me to send some money to the
mother and try to establish some contact with my daughter.  The
situation did not change with this woman putting child in the middle
so I was soon told I could not see her.  My wife and I by this time
had a son and moved to our home towns of Minneapolis Minnesota.  My
sister who lives in Florida has contact with this woman and with my
daughter.  My daughter is now 13 and I ran across her profile on a web
site and wrote her. I feel she is older now and the confustion of her
mother and my situation may be easier for her to understand. She wrote
me back angry (of course) but also wanting money.  Legally do I have
any rights, I would prefer that a court of law determined child
support and it be regulated that way so that I do not end up in the
same situation as the past by being denied visitation due to not
adhearing to the mothers regulations. Please Help if you can, not even
sure where to start.
Matt from Minnesota

It sounds to me as if the first thing you need to do is find a lawyer.
The legal process of establishing paternity isn't something to
undertake without guidance.

Since you were never married and are not sure if she is your daughter,
you have no legal rights to her. However, you could get a paternity
test, and with a good lawyer get to see her  once in a blue moon. It
sucks, but thats the way it is.
Now, If I were you, I would attempt to get to know her outside of the
courts, ie talk to her on the website that you met her on (if she is
willing) and then see if she wants to meet you, with her mother
present of course.

Matt,
Sometimes  - often, always? -  one has to suffer.  Of course, you want
your daughter to like you somehow, and your wife is being very
supportive, and you want to get to know and help your daughter.  But
don't expect that your feelings are reciprocated.  Of course, she is
curious to know who her father is, but not so much that she doesn't
put a price on it, and she is angry.  Why not?  You want to intrude on
her life, well-meant from your side, but an invasion on her at an age
when boys and men take on a different role.
What can you truly do for her?  Whatever her experience is with men in
a father role is, I don't think that you can buy (sorry?) her love,
bridge the emotional gap now; at best you can be supportive "uncle".
You are not doing this for yourself, but for her.  What financial
support could really make a positive difference in her life?  Is
pursuing a court ordered monthly support payment going to be that
difference?  What about a private commitment for funding of higher
education?  Not an blank check, unless you can afford it, but an
amount that could be an incentive for her to achieve more with her
life than she may now think is possible.

It's difficult to tell the exact timing of events from your story but
my preliminary search shows that under Florida law the presumption of
legitimacy applies and a child born during a valid marriage is
considered to be the child of the husband. Here is a recent Florida
court case that has elements similare to your situation. I think you
need to consult an attorney to determine how you want to proceed.

http://www.floridasupremecourt.org/decisions/2006/sc04-1045.pdf

Very, very complex topic for the price, but let me give you a couple of leads:

1.  You start in the state in which the "child is found."  In your case, Florida. 

2.  The Florida law is found here: 
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=Ch0742/titl0742.htm&StatuteYear=2005&Title=%2D%3E2005%2D%3EChapter%20742

3.  There is no question that you need an attorney. This is about as
complex as it gets. I have done a number of these as attorney for
putative fathers, and they are NEVER easy.

4.  The presumption mentioned above is common law:  Yes, the man
married to the mother is presumed to be the bio-father. BUT, it is a
REBUTTABLE PRESUMPTION, which means a judge, after hearing the
evidence, can make a determination that you are Dad.

5.  You get an attorney, file the case, and the attorney gets a court
order for DNA (assuming no one is willing to come forward to support
your contention.)See
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=Ch0742/SEC12.HTM&Title=->2005->Ch0742->Section%2012#0742.12

6.  You WILL get stuck with child support. I don't know how Florida
works it, but in my state you cannot get nailed for retroactive
support prior to the date that the complaint is filed in the court.

7.  Once paternity is established, you MAY have to have a separate
proceeding to determing parenting time.

8.  The judge will no doubt consider the wishes of the child as to
parenting time, but the child's wishes don't rule the court. The judge
will do what is in "the best interests of the child."

9.  The court could order you to pay the mother's legal fees: 
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=Ch0742/SEC045.HTM&Title=->2005->Ch0742->Section%20045#0742.045
 (I would guess in the neighborhood of $1500-2000)


So, start in Florida. Start in the county in which the child resides.
I would suggest calling the circuit court and see if you can weedle
out the name of a couple of attorneys that work in this area all of
the time.

Good Luck,

weisstho-ga

P.S. If this suffices as an answer, please let me know and I will post
it. Like I said above, this is a very complex area to generalize
about.

Tom