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Q: Moving too fast in a relationship ( No Answer,   2 Comments )
Subject: Moving too fast in a relationship
Category: Relationships and Society > Relationships
Asked by: uclabru1-ga
List Price: $5.00
Posted: 01 Sep 2006 08:50 PDT
Expires: 01 Oct 2006 08:50 PDT
Question ID: 761389
I have been seeing this girl for a month and half but have known her
for about 4 months. The thing is she doesnīt want a boyfriend and Iīm
not really looking for a girlfriend either. Right now I am in Europe
and have been for the last 3 weeks and every morning due to the 9 hour
difference we wake each other up and we talk. I have definitely taken
time to analyze how she feels but she wonīt say, but would make
references to me being cute, saying she wants to do certain things
when I get back to the the states like go to an amusement park or me
go visit her etc. I also have said a few things and am aware that at
one point I may have said too many things for us to do. However, I
never made a set plan and made sure I told her "this would be fun etc,
if youīre feeling up for it". And other ways without making it sound
like Iīm wanting to do everything Iīm saying. Just recently (a few
days ago) she said that she wanted to stop everything physical between
us. having known each other we had hooked up in the past but it was
never awkward and we both felt it comfortable. She however said she
wanted to stop it, and sometimes over the phone we would say comments
to each other or flirt some but now she wants to stop it. So my
question is, how do I go about handling the situation without freaking
her out because she told me she had gotten a little freaked out by
everything from physical, to how we talk to each other, saying cute
things, or saying we are gonna do certain things, that it felt like a
relationship. I was always trying to be cautious about that because
she gets freaked out easily and didnīt want to do that but she said
something else that caught my attention. That it was neither of our
faults. That we moved fast and she wants to take it slow, slower to
determine what she wants. Which I donīt mind but I just donīt want to
stick my foot in my mouth or pressure her into anything so I need tips
on how to have a conversation without saying the wrong thing or watch
for certain things. And also how to get this girls attention. I think
I was focusing on her TOO much and I definitely want to kick it back
some and take it slow the way she is. Please respond asap I would
appreciate it. Thank you.
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: Moving too fast in a relationship
From: aussietpp-ga on 01 Sep 2006 11:40 PDT
Being in Europe there must be heaps of things you see everyday that
might interest her.
Keep the conversation light hearted. Steer clear of the deep and meaningful.

Subject: Re: Moving too fast in a relationship
From: myoarin-ga on 02 Sep 2006 02:47 PDT
The easiest way to keep any conversation going and avoid mistakes is
to ask questions and let the other person guide the direction of the

Ask what she did yesterday, what she is planning, even ask her if she
wants you to tell her what you have been doing, rather than just
unloading your story.   Well, don't ask so that it sounds like you
want to find out if she's had a date.  Ask about subjects of mutual
interest back in PDT-land: sports, politics, friends, whatever.

By the way, did you notice that in your question, although you start
by saying that neither of you are really looking for a girl/boyfriend,
the direction of your subsquent text suggests a strong interest in not
upsetting the relationship and maintaining it in the face of her
apparently changed attitude?

Good luck!

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