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Q: I'm in a Quandry ( No Answer,   4 Comments )
Subject: I'm in a Quandry
Category: Relationships and Society > Relationships
Asked by: steph53-ga
List Price: $3.50
Posted: 09 Sep 2006 16:34 PDT
Expires: 09 Oct 2006 16:34 PDT
Question ID: 763772
Hi GA Community....

The man that I was in a relationship with, for the past two years, and
I have broken it off for good. Although I am dealing okay with the
grief of our lost relationship, I am in a quandry as to what to do
about my close friendship with his sister...

She and I were BEST buddies and had so much in common. We even called
each other SOL ( sisters out law )....Although I never discussed my
relationship problems with her, I'm afraid that if I continue my
friendship with her, that I will break down and tell her things that
may cause hurt and cause embarrassment to her brother in return (Very
sensitive issues of why we broke up).

I miss her like crazy and, although originally I requested to remove
myself from our friendship, I still find myself e-mailing her
occasionally and she in turn responds, saying how she misses me too
and that we should stick together through this.

I guess what I'm looking for is some advice or insight to this. I feel
like I've been hit with a "double whammy"...loosing not only her
brother but now my best girlfriend as well.

There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: I'm in a Quandry
From: keystroke-ga on 09 Sep 2006 17:02 PDT
I would suggest that you still keep some kind of friendship with the
sister. You were good friends, and you both miss each other. That says
it all right there. Just try not to mention anything terribly hurtful
about her brother, for obvious reasons. I have some friends that I
never discuss certain subjects with, as they know other friends that
it might affect, or they can't keep their mouths shut about certain
subjects, or for any number of reasons. Your friendship with her could
help you during this sad time, as you would have someone that you can
discuss things other than the breakup with. As long as the sister has
not turned against you during the breakup with her brother, you should
be able to maintain a friendship.
Subject: Re: I'm in a Quandry
From: myoarin-ga on 09 Sep 2006 18:00 PDT
I agree with Keystroke.  She knows there has been a reason for your
breaking up with her brother, and as such a close friend, will
understand that it was very personal and a subject you don't have to
share with her, indeed, that you should not share with her as his
sister  - as you might with another girlfriend.
If she says that she wants to continue your friendship, I think she
would respect and welcome your explaining that you never want to talk
about the matter and asking her to help avoid the subject, if it
starts to come up, to tell you:  "We're not going to talk about that."
 And vice versa, of course, if she forgets.
If you never want to hear his name again, make that clear at the
start; it will make it easier for her to know where the line is.

Close friends are rare, and you are one for her.
I hope you can work it out.
Subject: Re: I'm in a Quandry
From: markvmd-ga on 09 Sep 2006 18:10 PDT
I've always been annoyed that the divorces my friends have gone
through meant I never got to see friends and family of theirs again.
It's usually a bad trade.
Subject: Re: I'm in a Quandry
From: probonopublico-ga on 09 Sep 2006 22:48 PDT
Very sorry to learn of your new probs, Steph ...

Certainly don't make things worse for yourself than they are.

Remain close to your SOL if she's up for it ...

Good Luck!


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