This is a big thing.  Right now even with a war going on, these young
men and women aren't thinking about dying, so when they set up their
beneficiaries, they set up their spouse.  If they are married, the
spouse recieves all the monetary benefits in the event of death. 
While I believe this is important that he or she be taken care of, I
believe the mother is left feeling that she has not been compensated
at all.  The Armed services flock around the widow and treat the
mother of the deceased like she is an outsider.
When a mother loses a child - There is never any real compensation, of
course,  But they need to think about this woman who made it possible
for them to even have4 the soldier. this is an awful unfortunate thing
that I believe has gone on too long in the history of america.  I
would like to try to
attempt to change this but I have no idea how. Thanks for any
consideration you might have in answering this.

Are you aware of the American Gold Star Mothers organization? You
might contact this group to see whether they can help:

http://www.goldstarmoms.com/agsm/Home/index.htm

Thankyou inref to gold star mothers - i wasnt aware of this org, i
will check it out.  thankyou pinkfreud

and what would your solution be?  Disregarding the diseases person's
wishes?  Does your belief go further to extend to policeman and
firefighters?  And what about fathers?  What about older siblings who
may have helped raise the child?

What if the individual had a spouse and child, would you still be in
favor of diverting money from the spouse and child to the mother?

Mother's make sacrafices for their children, no doubt, and not just
those of individuals in the military.  But we cannot go around
choosing these things for the deceased individual.

I understand your feelings, but please consider that the monetary
benefits are intended for the persons (spouse, children) who have been
dependent upon the soldier, a compensation for the loss of his or her
financial support.  They are not to compensate for the anguish and
grieving  - nothing could, and I certainly hope money could not.