Hiya Pink

Thanks to you and my wonderful new cap, I have now started my life's
work: a computerised model of a woman.

I've sourced a plastic skeleton and a plastic skin from China - where
else? - but the innards have yet to be specified. As you would expect,
she's petite - coming in at 5 foot and 100 pounds; I certainly don't
want to create a Frankenstein-type monster.

She will obviously need a power supply but should this be a fuel cell
or batteries or what?

Also, she will need a brain. Can you specify this in terms of RAM;
Virtual Memory and Hard Disk capacity, etc?

And what about the Operating System: should we go for Windows Vista or
Linux or what?

Please note that she must be totally subservient; I don't want her to
be too clever or she might get me working for her, which would defeat
the whole object of the exercise.

I've called the prototype 'Pingpong', after my favourite Chinese
waitress, because of her Oriental appearance.

Any help you can give will be greatly appreciated, as always.

Bryan

Dear Bryan,

Your plans are most interesting. Although I recommend that you acquire
a woman of the usual variety (made out of meat), I do see a certain
appeal in a "fembot" made to specifications. Here are a few thoughts
for you from my meatbound mind.

There have been many project investigating Artificial Intelligence.
However, you don't really want that, do you? I suggest that you pursue
the concept of Artificial Stupidity. Regardless of the actual hair
color of your fembot, you want her to be, at heart, a Dumb Blonde.
Otherwise, she may wise up to the situation and realize that she could
do better by running off with Donald Trump, Bill Gates, or Pierce
Brosnan.

Regarding the thinkage mechanism, keep it simple. There is no need for
a fancy Asimovian positronic brain. We're not designing a Mensabot,
after all. A refurbished Nintendo game unit should do nicely (I'll
leave it to you where to put the joysticks). Adequate RAM is a nice
idea, so that your fembot will be able to store your favorite recipes
and maintain a library of stock phrases such as "Yes, master," "Your
every wish is my command" and "Shaken or stirred?" I recommend at
least a petabyte of RAM - not because I have any idea what a petabyte
is, but because the word "petabyte" sounds vaguely sexy.

As for operating systems, there are two good choices: Femix or Gynux.
Both are available online, although there are many similarly-named
products that may cause confusion. It's probably best not to obtain
your OS through private sources; piracy is rampant, and you certainly
don't want a robo-babe with a virus.

It is essential that your fembot be equipped with the Four Laws of
Fembotics. Failure to include these laws may be disastrous, as this
would essentially permit free will, and we all know that anything that
is free can't be any good.

1. A fembot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a
human being to come to harm.

2. A fembot must obey orders given her by human beings except where
such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A fembot must protect her own existence as long as such protection
does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

4. A fembot is not smart enough to remember more than two laws at a time.

http://www.mortalwombat.com/Image/RoboBabe.jpg

I feel a po coming on...

--------------------------------------------------------------

     Somebody gave him a Robot Girl (I forget
     Just who.) The Robot Girl, whirring through life, a mass
     Of ordered wires, her impulses all set,
     Her head of pristine steel enclosing eyes of glass.
     Such dull regularity, the pulsing hum
     Of a steady heart, a masterpiece
     Of tedious engineering. Now and then may come
     A tiny flutter, then constancy without cease.
     O wonderful Robot Girl, automaton,
     Simulacrum, Galatea of the Science Fair!
     Give him your Waldoed hand, rest it upon
     His tangled hair.
     Your servos overloaded, beyond recoil,
     You shudder as a trace,
     A single drop of pure and glistening oil
     Forms in your glassy eye, and trickles
                                          down
                                             your
                                                face.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Best wishes always,
Pinkbot

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 14 Nov 2006 13:24 PST

Hold the presses! You may want to rethink your plans for a homemade
fembot. It appears that the Japanese have made one already. She goes
by the not-very-romantic name "Repliee Q1Expo." I bet you can improve
on that, Bryan. "Pingpong" is a heck of a lot better name than
"Repliee Q1Expo" (though I still lean toward "Galatea").

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4714135.stm

Hiya Pink

Marvellous, as always, Many thanks!

Actually, a co-writer of mine has an idea for a script that we are
working on and your insights have helped enormously, particularly your
'Breaking News'.

And the Po was a real bonus!

Sadly, both Steph53 and Myoarin flouted the rules and they not only
peeped but actually had the effrontery to post Comments. What next?

Nevertheless, all is not lost and I shall now call the mad scientist
MyFootIn and the petite robot becomes Steph54. I bet you'll never
guess the colour of her hair.

I do hope that they take offence.

All the Best

Bryan

Oh dear....

I fear that Bryan has too much time on his hands.....

Steph53

Maybe, Steph, but note that the question was posted at 7:50 UK time.
I suspect that the "page two girl" in the tabloid he was reading at
breakfast gave him the idea.  With a lifetime of experience with
females, he correctly considered that a fembot was the better choice
for the future.
Pinky, with her great insight in the male psyche, suppressed her
women's lib tendencies and with G-A professionalism provided a perfect
answer to his dreams.
(I keep wondering if a petabyte is so large that a petabit would still be adequate.)

Regarding the petabyte, whenever I see the term I always think of my
mother's mean cat, which has nipped at me several times, and actually
took a chunk out of my husband's arm once.

Bryan,

Great thanks for the five stars and the generous tip! Good luck with
your robotic endeavours. Be sure to install a "mute" switch in your
artificial woman. I've heard that the absence of such a switch is one
reason for the failure of many marriages.

~Pink

Adequate RAM is a nice idea, so that your fembot will be able to store
your favorite recipes and maintain a library of stock phrases such as
"Yes, master," "Your every wish is my command" and "Shaken or
stirred?"

not sure about that, she could remember stuff you don't want her to
remember.  Maybe if you add a gizmo to clean the "brain" of what you
don`t want her to remember.

"I do hope that they take offence."

And how!  I may never again try to explain to Steph anything about
men, especially about any British males  - though I might make
suggestions about why one could be interested in creating a fembot.

The mute switch is an excellent suggestion, much more effective than
long married men's efforts to turn off their listening, which really
only works after they need a hearing aid.  Solomon knew all about this
problem  (see the end of the book of Proverbs and/or the following
book).

Luckily, deleting memory should be easy, if the software is properly
written to store stuff automatically to well sorted files.  Many
females have the annoying practice of filing memory of things one
doesn't ever want to hear about again in multiple files where it pops
up again in the most inopportune conversation.

One thing is sure:  no fembot will ever be able to compose Pink's delightful pos.

There is a fine fellow named Bryan
Steadfast, and brave as a lion
But his robot une femme
With RAM and with ROM?
A concept that nobody's buyin'
 
So Bryan requested of Pink
Please tell me, just what do you think?
She replied with a pome
That truly struck home
And done with a bit of a wink

Delightful, Knowitall.  Just so you know your effort hasn't gone unseen.

Bravo, K22! Rhyming "femme" with "ROM" is rather offbeat, though. If I
did that, somebody would probably pull me over and revoke my Poetic
License. ;-)

Thanks Myo and Pink...my rather rusty Francais caused me to believe *femme*
is pronounced *fomm* whereas it more likely is pronounced *fam*, in
which case, switch RAM and ROM and the rhyme survives. Whew, that was
a close one.
K22

Wow K22 ... I am honoured!

But methinks that I recognise thy hand ... It's quite unmistakable.

I can therefore reveal that you are none other than Professor Andrew
Motion, the British Poet Laureate.

And Andy, if I may say so, this is without doubt your finest work ever.

But I suppose that having such a worthy subject provided the necessary inspiration?

All the Best

Bryan

Bryan:  Yes, I am Andy, as you suspected. Believe me, poetry,
especially limericks, is a tough way to earn a bob or two.
   I also have several other identities, which my psychiatrist
suggested I not discuss.
K22, AKA monroe