As everyone knows, Andy Motion was tapped for the job in May 1999,
following the death of Ted Hughes. However, the appointment was for
only 10 years.

The job is now worth a cool £5,000 a year whereas, previously, it had
carried a mere pittance of £100 a year plus 6 bottles of Tesco's
Sparkling Cava.

Obviously, it's now worth making a bit of an effort to land the job
when the vacancy pops up in 2009.

As you would expect, auditions will be held on-line and GA is the
chosen vehicle because of its near-monopoly on gifted poets.

Candidates are requested to submit a sample of their work by way of a
comment to this Question and Head Judge Steph 53 will give her ruling
as soon as she has deliberated.

All Researchers will have to reveal their Search Strategies, in the
unlikely event that they have any.

Candidates of either sex from anywhere are OK but submissions should
be in UK English with CORRECT spellings, please!

Thank you Poetasters Everywhere

Bryan

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 22 Nov 2006 06:21 PST

Bad news, Pink, I am afraid that Steph the Gurgler has (apparently)
chosen Clarissa the Canadian Chanteuse as Poet Laureate Designate.

Is it too late to prevent this blatant display of nepoetism?

If you can sort this, please post an answer.

Desperate of Hove.

---

Request for Question Clarification by pinkfreud-ga on 22 Nov 2006 14:58 PST

Bryan,

You are no less desperate than I. At this point, I'm not clear what
you're hoping for in an answer. Since it was apparent that I was out
of the running, I asked the Editors yesterday to delete my poems, and
I see that they have done so. Please let me know what I can do now.

Befuddled of Tulsa

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 22 Nov 2006 20:37 PST

Oh no, Pink ... You should not have done that!

Please re-instate them immediately.

And then post an Answer, any answer, that will bring the curtain down ...

I suggest that you produce a Short List (that includes your good self)
for submission to Her Majesty.

Over to you

Bryan

I've prepared a po for QEII... 

FROM BARD TO VERSE

Dear Queen E:
Bryan & me,
Humble petitioners,
Now present thee
Some fine practitioners
Of poesie.
I give you poets three:
K22 and Steph and Paf
Are far too talented by half,
And any one of them would do.
I pick 'em all, and so should you.
The job of Poet Laureate
Has done been spoken for, yet
It's nice to have a spare,
And surely they can share.
Queenie, you'll find it a thing of beauty
To constantly have a poet on duty.
They'll work their shifts in eight-hour stints
And live with you and Phil the Prince.
They'll share a bed and split their fees,
And irritate a few MPs.
Ah, what a concept! Time-share poets!
I suggest that we call them co-ets.
And if they all get peeved and quit,
Then I shall have a go at it.
With Paf and Steph and K22
Plus Pink as a backup, and Bryan too,
You'll be the envy of other chicks
And you'll never be lacking for limericks.
If you need an elegy, ode, or po,
Your gang of rhymesters will make it so.
Dear Queen Lizzie:
Keep us busy,
Your Laureates new,
Pink & the crew.

Many thanks, Pink, Absolute BRILLIANCE!

When I went down to brekkie about an hour ago I was completely
distraught after discovering that you had requested the removal of
your Comments but now ...

All Swell that ends Swell.

Bryan

For 5000 per year write me in
Though a love of reward is a sin
I'm off to Old Blighty
Good great Lord Almighty
I'll do anything needed to win

Congratulations, K22, You are the Front Runner!

I really believe that you've got what it takes.

Hah!  You guys call those poems!!!

Here's a poem:


Hickory dickory doc.
Two mice ran up a clock.
The clock struck one,
but the other one got away.


Perfesser Paf

Well, Pink, you are writing actual, beautiful poetry. Which means
there will be stiff competition from other poets, who are mostly
starving. We all wish you success.
But I must say, pafalafa is a shoo-in for Doggerel Poet Laureate.
K22

Beautiful, Pink ...

You write amazing stuff. Many thanks for your contributions. Methinks
that you deserve to be published. Hast this ever occurred to you?

I shall not say more at this stage because our Head Judge (steph53-ga)
is 'not responding'. Maybe she's running too many processes?

Now, I'm going down to get some brekky.

Bryan

Bryan...

I once wrote a poem for my son ( he was 3 months old at the time ) and
it was actually posted in our city's newspaper....

When my son turned 19 yrs old, I had the poem professionally printed
and framed and I gave it to him on his birthday that year.

I'm not sure if I should post it here, cause I would become the
immediate winner. And since you want me to be the judge, what to do???

Steph53 ( accomplished poet )

Please post the poem, Steph ...

I would love to see it!

Many thanks

Bryan

Message to a Miracle

A pair of angel eyes
A tiny button nose
An exquisite little angel
From silken hair to sqiggly toes.

You seemed to know I needed you
And you fought against the odds
To come into my life and heart
Your new and innocent life to start.

Why did you come so quietly?
No one knew you were around.
Until your tiny heartbeat
Breathed love with each new sound.


You're my beloved little angel now
I'll give you all and more
Your life will be the best it can
I'll open each and every door.

A tiny little love child
One day you'll understand
I'll tell you of the miracle
In which you had a hand.

So grow strong, my lovely little one
And never stop or be afraid
You've got more love within you
For that is from which you were made.

A miracle is what I feel
When I look at my beautiful Neil.

Written on March 23, 1976 by Steph53 for her then 3 month old son.

steph53: A magnificent ode to a new child...unfortunate that many
believe the value of human life is more or less variable, depending on
one's personal circumstances.
K22

Knowitall22....

If only anyone here had any idea of what my life was like at that time....

Fortunately, I overcame all the obstacles and raised this little wee
baby to the best of my ability.

Today he is 30 years old, owns his own home, has a great job and is my
"best friend". He cried when I gave him this "ode to my love for him"
on his 19th B/day :-)

Steph53

Marvellous, Steph, thank you for sharing your poem.

I am pleased to tell you that you have now been short listed.

However, if you do get chosen and, as Head Judge, you will be hard to beat ...

You will have to step (steph?) up your output ...

At least one poem will be required every 10 years, a big shout for
someone who is used to producing one every 30 years.

Have you got what it takes?

Worried of Hove

I really want this job, Bryan...

Here's another one I wrote.

Another day, another night
Has gone and passed me by.
Is it really worth my while
Or just another lover's lie?

I will leave you, love
Very soon indeed.
I will fly out of you life
And the lies you now need.

Remember the good times for me
The laughter, the passion, the tears.
It was our world for awhile
The happiness, the sadness, the fears.

Brilliant, Steph, should you as Head Judge now rule in favour of
yourself then why not?

But, please, use another name for your poetry ...

Having already become world famous as Steph the Judge why not become
world famous Clarissa the Poet?

Bryan

I can't be the judge anymore cause I'm now "applying" for the postion.

You need to find another judge, Bryan.

Steph53

It's declined by steph53
Who will judge? Perhaps we shall see
The entries, they range
From lovely to strange
As befits a Laureate-to-be

K22

Ah K22, thanks, you have made a very compelling case for yourself.

But, I wonder, are you perhaps a tad too young?

Tradition has it that the Laureateship is handed down to someone long
past their prime and, from the evidence, you are obviously still a
callow youngster.

Anyhow, I hope that Pink can now sort through this dilemma and provide
us with yet another of her amazing Answers.

Note to Pink:

Have you spotted my Clarification, above?

Have you noticed that Steph53 has graciously resigned as Head Judge?

Or maybe you arranged it?

Bryan

Bryan:  Many thanks for your kind words, but I am not qualified for
the office of UKPL...first,I am much too young, secondly, although it
grieves me to admit it, lomericks are not poetry; they are merely
rhymes. Not that I couldn't use the 5000.
  Also, I didn't discourage steph...she has her own counsel.
ATB,
K22

Bryan,

Many thanks for the opportunity to let my poetic muse out of her box.
The five stars and the ample tip impressed my muse mightily! I may
have difficulty stuffing her back into the box. Gotta get a bigger
box. Muse is getting fat.

~Pink