My husband and I had a very small wedding this June. We did not invite
extended family members, save one aunt who asked to be invited.
Another aunt let it be known she was offended for not having been
invited. She just sent us a small wedding gift. I want to send her a
thank you, but don't know wether I should explain why she wasn't
invited. What should I do?

Hi alicebtolklas,

Here is some advice from an etiquette consultant:

"For those who gave a gift and were not invited, it may be best to
just say thank you and not go into great detail about the wedding or
why you couldn't invite them.  Just be sincere in your thanks."

"Is it okay to talk about the wedding?" (reply by Rebecca Black, Dec 6, 2006)
Top Wedding Questions
http://www.topweddingquestions.com/forum/Wedding_Etiquette_C10/Wedding_Etiquette_Advice_F26/Is_it_okay_to_talk_about_the_wedding_P25284/

The editor of a wedding planning site suggests this wording, which
lacks explanation about the reasons for not inviting the person to the
wedding:

"Dear Lorie & Mike,

Thank you both so much for the thoughtful gift certificate.  Amanda
and I look forward to purchasing new appliances for our kitchen with
it. Thanks again for thinking of us during this special time in our
lives."

"Thank You Notes - Etiquette and Wording Samples", by Cori Locklin
(17th November 2006)
Article Alley
http://www.articlealley.com/article_104842_41.html

- justaskscott


Searched on Google and Yahoo! for:

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The thing to do in response to a gift is to thank the sender. It is my
opinion that including anything other than thanks in the note would be
inappropriate.

Pink is spot on-- it isn't anyone's biz why you didn't have more
people and you have an obligation only to express your appreciation
for her lovely gift which now occupies an honored place in your home
and you will cherish forever.

My honored place is a closet. If anyone has any use for those stupid
glass grape clusters from the 70's, let me know. This set lights up.  
 *shudder*

Yeah, I concur wholeheartedly - stay away from the guilt trip by
trying to explain away reasons for not inviting.  You'd stir up
sentiments rather than solve anything.
That being said, a short liner to the effect that it was an impromptu
wedding, inaddition to the "Thank You", wouldn't be out of place, I
think.

You don't say how this aunt "let it be known" that she was offended
but you imply that she didn't express her displeasure directly to you.
If you feel like explaining why you didn't invite her to the wedding I
would  not do it in writing. I would call her or meet with her so she
could express her feelings and you could respond to them. I think a
lot depends on the circumstances of your decision to have a small
wedding. Your past relationship with this aunt and what kind of
relationship you want to have with her in the future are also highly
relevant. Resolution of this issue definitely doesn't belong in your
thank you note.