have 2 sons and one stepdaughter recently married.  are there any
acceptable guidelines for holiday gift giving for new son-in-law? 
wife feels spend as much on him as on our children.  Isn't this
inappropriate?

Hello murf56-ga,

Honestly, I can find no etiquette guidelines for your situation.
Honestly, son-in-law implies he is your son, by law of marriage. Same
as you are his father-in-law by marriage.

If you feel he is a member of your family like you daughter is, spend
equally. If you feel that it might cause a rift if you treat him equal
to your biological children, consider an alternate plan to not hurt
anyone?s feelings. Maybe buy your daughter and son-in-law a gift for
the two of them to use in their home? Something they both want?

I don?t know why you feel treating a member of your family by marriage
like family would be inappropriate. Personally, when my significant
other?s parents treat me like their own, call me daughter, and include
me equally in family events, it makes me feel GREAT!

Here are some gift ideas to help you to find an appropriate gift.

http://www.giftsforaguy.com/Occasions/Gifts_for_a_Son_In_Law/

http://www.superchristmasgifts.com/christmasgiftideasforsoninlaws.html

Google Search used:
Son in law gifts
://www.google.com/search?q=son+in+law+gifts&hl=en&lr=&start=50&sa=N

gift giving guidelines inlaws
://www.google.com/search?q=gift+giving+guidelines+inlaws&hl=en&lr=&start=30&sa=N

gift giving etiquette in laws
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=gift+giving+etiquette+in+laws&spell=1

If this answer requires further explanation, please request
clarification before rating it, and I'll be happy to look into this
further.

Nenna-GA
Google Answers Researcher

As long as you give him a gift that is thoughtful and that he likes,
he has no reason to complain.  It's nice of you to give him a gift at
all.

It depends on how you want the new son-in-law to feel. If you'd like
him to feel like a full member of the family and your new son, then
treat him the same as you do you other children.  If you'd like to
maintain an emotional separation between him and your biological /
step children, then make his gift smaller.  As a son-in-law myself, it
has shown me a lot that my mother-in-law and father-in-law have
treated me like one of their own which has created a much closer
family. Your choice!