OK researchers,

Here's the situation.  Next week I'm finishing up a job that I've been
in for about 12 months.  At my farewell morning tea, I'll get the
chance to say a few departing words.  The thing is, my boss is
deceitful, manipulative and technically incompetent.  Anything that
gets done there is despite him, rather than because of him.  Like most
people of his ilk, he also has a wildly over-inflated sense of self
importance.

Here's where you come in.   I'm looking for a witty quote to close-out
my little speech with a subtle yet pointed criticism of this guy.  I
want irony, not sarcasm.  It can't be blunt or vulgar - I don't want
to embarass the other people in attendance, but they know what he's
like so hopefully they'll get the joke too.

Because he's so fond of himself, I'm hoping it will be hours later
when he finally gets the joke, and by then I'll be long gone.

So, I'm asking for a selection of quotes (5-10 maybe?) from which I
hope to choose the best one.  It can be from someone famous (Oscar
Wilde springs to mind as a potential candidate), or anonymous. 
Perhaps you can put yourself in my shoes and come up with your own
pointed witicism, something you wish you'd said when leaving some
equally odious manager.

Regardless, I'd like to be dazzled by your ability to assess the
situation and come up with that stunning, "gee I wish I'd said that"
quote.

I'm happy to provide follow-up if you need some help in getting a
handle on this one.

Have fun!

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Request for Question Clarification by johnny_phoenix-ga on 04 Nov 2002 02:40 PST

What a superb question, I have a few ideas, but to help me/us get a
few more together....what kind of work is it that your company does.
This info would obviously open up the field wider for pertinent
ad-libs.

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Clarification of Question by dr_j-ga on 04 Nov 2002 03:35 PST

Hi Johnny Phoenix,

Without giving too much away, it's actually a university research
department - the supervisor in question is the leader of a research
group which consists of myself (a postdoc) and one other badly treated
research enginner.  It's technology focussed - electronic engineering
with an aerospace flavour.

---

Clarification of Question by dr_j-ga on 04 Nov 2002 03:41 PST

P.S. Only 7 shopping days till my departure!

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Request for Question Clarification by hailstorm-ga on 04 Nov 2002 04:53 PST

Before you go through with this, are you absolutely sure you won't be
needing the services of any of your current co-workers any time in the
future? It may be best to just hold that temptation inside if it keeps
you from burning a bridge you may need to cross again sometime down
the road...

Anyway, not sure it fits with the theme, but one of my all-time
favorite work related quotes came from the Steve Martin movie Roxanne:
"I'd rather be with you people, than with the finest people in the
world!"

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Clarification of Question by dr_j-ga on 04 Nov 2002 13:29 PST

re: getting on the wrong side of the other workers

That's precisely the point, everyone, including *his boss* know what
dead wood he is - everyone else in the workplace are great, a top
bunch of people.  It's this one guy I'm targeting.

and re: burning bridges - I've thought of that one - that's why it's
got to be subtle and ironic.  I could just get up there and say
"so-and-so, you're a deceitful and incompetent pr*ck", but that's not
my style.  I've already got a glowing reference from this guy's boss -
I don't need or want his future support.

---

Request for Question Clarification by arlenegreen-ga on 06 Nov 2002 22:42 PST

I'm going all kinds of places with this one. Fun, fun question. 

Here's the off the top of my twisted brain stuff:

In closing, I would like to say that it is only ability that allowed
me to accomplish what I have and enjoy the process so much. If [insert
incompetent boss name here] had an eligible daughter the effort
wouldn't have been necessary.

All jokes aside I must admit that he is the only co-worker I have that
is always right. Even when he isn't.  He challenged me by teaching me
the lesson that if I accomplished the impossible without his input it
would become part of my job description to regularly pull a rabbit out
of a hat so that his department review would shine. I expect that this
lesson will stand me in good stead anywhere I go.

------

But I need details. Give me some idiosyncracies...even if you don't
want my input it is still fun to think up backhanded closing
statements for evil bosses I have known.

Here is one a friend used at an exit interview, and farwell party.

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.~ Rabindranath Tagore ~

There is another good one I know but, I will have to find it for you.

LR

Ralph Waldo Emerson said: 

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man
can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."

It comes across on the surface as a compliment to your boss, but
begins to imply selfishness as it settles in the mind. It would work
best if you were female, of course.

I wonder if this quote from Thomas Carlyle might be worked in somehow?

"No sooner does a great man depart, and leave his character as public
property, than a crowd of little men rushes towards it. There they are
gathered together, blinking up to it with such vision as they have,
scanning it from afar, hovering round it this way and that, each
cunningly endeavouring, by all arts, to catch some reflex of it in the
little mirror of himself."

I quote liked this light-hearted put down:

"If my boss calls, be sure to get his name."

(See http://www.bartleby.com/63/89/2089.html for background
information).

Good luck in your hunt!

That should of course say "I quite liked", not "I quote liked"! The
topic is running away with my fingers, I feel.

Other researchers may wish to look to scott adam's comic strip
dilbert, which has many of the types of quotes the asker is looking
for.

Dr. J--

Given your field of expertise, an old bumper sticker comes to mind. 
You could just look at your co-workers (the ones who agree with you)
and say, "Remember...it's hard to fly when you're surrounded by a
bunch of turkeys."  You would need to modify the saying to fit your
particular situation, but I think that it could fit.  I'm interested
to know what quote you end up choosing--be sure to let us know how it
went down.

Good morning, Dr_J,

What a way to start my day! I've been reading quotations, and jokes,
and bumper stickers for the past few hours. At times I couldn't read
the text on my screen because I laughed 'til I cried. I'm not sure
anything below will be useful to you, but for what you are scheming to
do, creative paraphrasing is certainly a possibility.


Quotes about bosses:

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job
if he was any smarter." ~ Albert A. Grant ~

"The person who knows HOW will always have a job. The person who knows
WHY will always be his boss." ~ Diane Ravitch ~

TPCN - Great Quotations
http://www.cyber-nation.com/victory/quotations/subjects/quotes_bossesandemployees.html

----------------

Not a quote, but amusing: (wouldn't recommend using it)

"My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's
unfamiliar territory."

Quotes from Bosses
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/6354/lol-boss.html

---------------------

"Bosses tend to get the workers they deserve." - Martin Wiener

Additional Quotations
http://www.howarddowding.com/quotes.htm

-----------------------

Blair Litton: "Except for socially, you're my role model." 

Quotations from Broadcast News
http://www.quotegeek.com/Movies/Broadcast_News/

-----------------

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a
rat."
-- Lily Tomlin 

Work Quotes and Quotations
http://www.amusingquotes.com/h/w/Work_1.htm

------------------

"It takes years of training to be an engineer. But you don't need any
training to be an engineer's boss. It's unskilled labor without the
labor." - Alice

Tomko Consulting
http://www.tomkoinc.com/quotes.html?lastname=P&author=Alice

-------------------

Some back handed compliments:

7. "You've got talent you haven't even used."

6. "Nobody does that kind of teaching like you."

No title
http://www.lifecanbegood.com/sys-tmpl/toptenbackhandedcompliments/

---------------

I rather like this one!

"It looks like he's not doing much, but he does get a lot of work
done."

Backhanded Compliments:
http://www.greenspun.com/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=005c7X

Thanks for the entertaining start to my day. Let's hope that the rest
of it goes as well.

Regards,
revbrenda1st

How about something like: "99% of bosses give all the other ones a bad name"

"It was the poet Robert Browning who said, "A man's reach should
exceed his grasp..."  Never has anyone so unfailingly fulfilled that
principle as our supervisor.

How about something like "He is the kind of boss who doesn't know the
meaning of the word 'peremptory'..."

Or you could do something rather subtle, yet satisfying. Here is a
true story about my own backhanded remark to a rotten boss.

The boss's name was Joe. He was a slave-driver who was a former Marine
drill instructor, and had never gotten over the experience. Oddly,
between episodes of ranting, he used lots of antiquated pep-talk
terminology such as "that's keen," "really neato," "stiff upper lip,"
and "keep smiling."

After our office team had completed a particularly grueling
assignment, Joe announced that we would have a "party" the next day in
the coffee room. Parties, in this rather conservative office,
generally consisted of a half-hour break during which we could consume
free Hawaiian Punch in paper cups and day-old donuts.

I made a large banner for the occasion. It said this: "JOB'S OVER!
EVERYONE SAYS THIS IS NEATO! KEEP SMILING!"

Joe was absolutely charmed by the banner, since it made reference to
some of his favorite buzzwords. What he did not notice was that the
initial letters of the words spelled out a rather different message:

Job's
Over
Everyone 

Says
This
Is
Neato
Keep
Smiling

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's alright.

You could go with ambiguity, e.g., "As a manager, he stands alone," or
"I'm sure he will go far."

Or you could bury a negative comment so deeply in convoluted syntax
that no one will understand it without painstaking analysis, e.g., "I
cannot fail to disagree that it's not impossible to understate the
value of his contributions."