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 Subject: Woodchuck Performance Level Category: Science > Biology Asked by: aaroninaustin-ga List Price: \$9.50 Posted: 08 May 2002 15:16 PDT Expires: 15 May 2002 15:16 PDT Question ID: 13839
 ```How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Per hour, day, month and year based on a lifetime average of a median woodchuck in good health.```
 Subject: Re: Woodchuck Performance Level Answered By: missy-ga on 08 May 2002 15:43 PDT
 ```Hi there! According to GetOdd.com, quite a lot of wood! (Assuming the furry little critter chucked at all. I have it on good authority that they're stubborn and don't take direction very well.) Per hour (median amount): 158 butt cords. Per day: 684 butt cords. [ http://www.getodd.com/stuf/stupid/woodchuck.html ] Extrapolating from those figures: Per month: 20748 butt cords. Per year (assuming 364 days - Woodchucks take Groundhog Day off): 248976 butt cords. Of course, the Mad Scientist's Network has different figures, claiming that the average woodchuck can chuck about 700 pounds of wood in the same amount of time it takes him to build his burrow. They don't say how long that takes, alas, but the figures are interesting: "How much wood [...]" [ http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/may2000/958482443.Zo.r.html ] ...and then there's The Straight Dope, who says: "Are you kidding? Everybody knows a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Next you'll be wanting to know why she sells seashells by the seashore." [ http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_083a.html ] The jury still seems to out on this one, aaron! Best regards, missy-ga``` Request for Answer Clarification by aaroninaustin-ga on 08 May 2002 19:15 PDT ```So far all figures have been based on guesstimates. Is there any scientific evidence or testing that would back up some of these claims? I have a large amount of Woodchucks and a large amount of wood, I would love to get it chucked. Of course, I guess it is possible that they cannot chuck wood and that would negate this question in general. As of yet I don't seem to be able to get a good figure on this problem, perhaps I should just dispatch the chuckers and burn down the wood.``` Clarification of Answer by missy-ga on 08 May 2002 19:39 PDT ```About the closest we're going to get to scientific evidence would be the Mad Scientist's Network - the author is a Zoologist. If a Zoologist doesn't know, who would? I think, however, that the tongue twister answers its own question quite nicely - "[...] a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck COULD chuck wood." (Emphasis mine.) Woodchucks can't chuck wood. Forget the chucking. Do this with the wood: [ http://www.seeing-stars.com/Images/Slides/AmericanBeautyHouse2.JPG ] ...and this with the woodchucks: [ http://www.safariclub.org/recipe/recf67.txt ] Problem solved.```
 ```Well, here's a good start. http://www.lib.washington.edu/Ougl/fun/qboard/wood.html GoogleBrain-ga```
 ```Aha! A Much better answer. http://www.frabjous.org/misc/ask-andrew.html He seems to have it narrowed down pretty well. GoogleBrain-ga```
 ```In response to missy-ga's comment about "you'll be wanting to know why she sells seashells by the seashore", I sell C shells by the seashore because I live in a coastal town and operate a store which sells computer products among other things. In other words I do it for the money. :) - Valerie```
 ```The good fellows over at the Annals of Improbable Research did a study on this very topic. I don't have the article with me, but ( http://www.jimloy.com/books/air.htm ) reports that they concluded that a woodchuck can chuck 361.9237001 cubic centimeters of wood per day. The article's original citation, from the AIR website ( http://www.improbable.com ) : "The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers," by P.A. Paskevich and T.B. Shea. This study answers two questions: Can a woodchuck in fact chuck wood, and if so, can the chucked material be quantified? --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 4, July/August 1995, pp. 4-9. The article is also available in the compilation "The Best of Annals of Improbable Research" which can be found at: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0716730944/ref=as_pt/104-6745957-5551904```