Hello woji, a lot of people would probably like to know the benefits
of living together before marriage. Here are three articles I found to
be of a positive interest to your situation.
http://www.mfc.org/contents/article.asp?id=706
Public divided on benefits of living together before marriage
PRINCETON, NJ - Gallup polling shows that increasing numbers of
Americans are living together prior to getting married. Recent
academic studies have suggested that couples who live together before
marriage are more likely to get divorced than those who do not live
together. However, the findings are not universally accepted, as some
believe that other factors beyond living together before marriage may
explain the relationship. The nature of the controversy is underscored
by the findings of a recent Gallup poll that shows Americans are
divided as to whether pre-marital cohabitation leads to an increased
likelihood of divorce.
A review of Gallup polls conducted throughout 2002 indicates that 51%
of Americans are married, another 6% are living with a partner, 9% are
widowed, 14% are divorced or separated, and 18% have never been
married.
A July poll asked those who were married if they lived with their
spouse prior to their marriage, updating a question that had been
asked in 1988 and 1996. The data show a steady increase in the
proportion of married Americans who say they lived with their spouse
prior to tying the knot. When Gallup first asked the question in 1988,
fewer than one in five married Americans said they lived with their
spouse before marriage. The latest numbers show that percentage has
nearly doubled to 37%.
The increase is largely accounted for by the behavior of younger
Americans (those under age 50), a majority of whom (51%) say they
lived together prior to marriage. Among those over the age of fifty,
only 15% say they lived with their spouse before getting married. The
1996 data showed that 41% of those under age 50 had lived with their
spouse before marriage.
There is debate among scholars as to whether living together leads to
a happy marriage or not. Proponents say it allows a test run before
the marriage is official, or the arrangement helps the couple decide
if they should get married at all. Opponents object on moral grounds,
and believe that living together undermines the value of the marriage
commitment. They also cite the research that suggests that those who
live together prior to marriage are actually more likely to divorce
than those who do not. Like the scholarly community, the American
public is divided as to which arrangement is better, with 40% saying
that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to
divorce, 37% saying they are less likely to do so, and 23% not having
an opinion.
Opinion is greatly influenced by what respondents themselves did, as a
majority of those who lived together before marriage say it makes it
less likely that a marriage will end in divorce, and a majority of
those who did not live together say it makes it more likely that the
marriage will fail.
It is clear that one's values also play a very important role in
forming one's beliefs about living together:
The most religious Americans-- those who attend church on a weekly
basis-- are more than twice as likely as those who seldom or never
attend church to believe that premarital cohabitation increases the
odds of divorce (56% compared with 24%).
By a two-to-one margin, self-described conservatives say living
together before marriage makes divorce more (54%) rather than less
likely (27%). In contrast, also by a two-to-one margin, liberals say
living together is less likely to lead to divorce (52% to 26%).
There are also differences by marital status, a plurality of those who
are currently married (44%) say pre-marital cohabitation is more
likely to lead to divorce, while a majority of those who have never
married (53%) say it is less likely to do so. Those who are themselves
divorced or separated are divided in their views, with 35% saying it
makes divorce more likely, 35% saying less likely, and 30% not having
an opinion in either direction.
Younger Americans are far more likely to see benefits to living
together before marriage. Only about one in three below the age of 50
say living together before marriage is more likely to lead to divorce,
while a slim majority of those above age 50 believe this.
These results are based on telephone interviews with a randomly
selected national sample of 1,005 adults, 18 years and older,
conducted July 22-24, 2002. For results based on this sample, one can
say with 95 percent confidence that the maximum error attributable to
sampling and other random effects is plus or minus 3 percentage
points. In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical
difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into
the findings of public opinion polls.
http://www.couplescompany.com/Advice/Michael/movein.htm
Cohabitation Before Marriage: Good or Bad?
Dear Michael:
Do you think couples should live together 6 months before they get married?
Karen Female 22
Toronto, Canada,
Together 1 year 2 months
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Karen:
Your question addresses prior to marriage and I'm assuming you're
engaged. This does change issues and many couples will merge
households the month before the wedding to prevent dealing with the
hassles after the honeymoon. During this time the person moving in
will usually stay with a relative. TOP
In most cases, actually living together prior isn't recommended.
You've got enough stress on you preparing for the biggest change in
your life, as does he. Give each other some space to transition into
your new life spiritually, emotionally and physically. The quiet time
apart and away from each other will be welcomed. It will also make
your time together prior to marriage less stressful and you can enjoy
each other rather than the inevitable nuisances of "married life" and
mood swings stressful situations will put on both of you. You've got
the rest of your life to enjoy and wrangle with these! Why rush it?
I see you're 22. Six months probably seems like a long time but it
really isn't. If indeed you're getting married in six, hang tight
where you are and let both of you get use to the idea at your own
pace.
One more thought, why do you feel it's necessary to "practice'
marriage first by living together? Do you have some doubts? If so,
not living together first will allow you to find out if you do and
explore those on your own without being influenced or under the eyes
and pressure of your fiancé, his family and friends.
As for co-habitation in general, I've written a few articles on this
and the following on living together outside of marriage. TOP
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My own numbers (85% failure rate among those who live together before
marriage), comes from my own research and extrapolations of studies
I've read in the past. Since I have not published any of these, nor do
I intend to publish them, I'll direct you to some recent studies done
by others. TOP
One study that you may find interesting was done by Bennett, Blan, and
Bloom (American Sociological Review, 1988, Vol 53: 127-138) entitled,
"Commitment and the Modern Union: Assessing the Link Between
Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability."
The point made by the authors is that, overall, the risk of divorce
after living together is 80% higher than the risk of divorce after not
living together, which is already too high. In other words, those who
live together before marriage are almost twice as likely to divorce
than those who did not live together. But they also point out that the
risk of divorce is even higher if you don't live together more than
three years prior to marriage. The longer you live together prior to
marriage, the less the risk of divorce until after 8 years of living
together, when the risk of divorce is equal to those who have not
lived together. TOP
Another interesting study was conducted by Hall and Zhao (Cohabitation
and Divorce in Canada, Journal of Marriage and the Family, May 1995:
421-427). They write,
The popular belief that cohabitation is an effective strategy in a
high-divorce society rests on the common-sense notion that getting to
know one another before marrying should improve the quality and
stability of marriage. However, in this instance, it is looking more
and more as if common sense is a poor guide.
Their study showed that cohabitation itself was shown to account for a
higher divorce rate, rather than factors that might have led to
cohabitation, such as parental divorce, age at marriage, stepchildren,
religion, and other factors. In other words, other factors being
equal, you are much more likely to divorce if you live together first.
TOP
http://www.romancestuck.com/drdennisneder/livingtogetherbeforemarriage.htm
DR. DENNIS NEDER
Living Together Before Marriage
by Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Dr,
Ok I have just finished reading one of your articles on the wrong
reasons to marry. After I read that article I read another talking
about living with your boy/girl friend before marriage. This article
said that people should live with each other before getting married to
get used to it. I have never lived with my fiancée of 2 1/2+ years and
we are still thinking it is a good idea.
I wanted to know your views on the situation. I grew up believing that
it is wrong and that having kids out of wed-lock is bad as well for
the child and for you. I don't think this article was very agreeable
to some people like me and I wanted your opinion on weather I was
right or wrong.
Thank you in advance and I hope to hear the answer soon.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello!
I agree that having children when you're not married to the father is
a bad idea. Having children is the most selfish thing a person can do.
After all, the kid doesn't ask to be born - it's just the parents
deciding that they want little carbon copies of themselves running
around that makes this happen! Thus, I believe that these kids deserve
everything to their favor - including a married, committed home.
On the other hand, I agree with the article regarding living together.
Until you actually live with someone else, you can't possibly know
what it's going to be like. How unfair for two people to be thrust
into a live-in situation without knowing what they are in for. Once
the marriage is absolute, that's a very bad time to find out about how
your partner lives! I soundly believe that any couple that wants to be
married had better live together first.
Now, with that said, you need to understand this fact: studies show
that there is a slight increase in the chance of divorce in couples
that shacked up before getting married! That's an interesting
situation, wouldn't you agree?
However, I believe it's because most of these couples were engaged
either before or got engaged during their live-in situation and saw
this as a path along the way toward marriage - just as you are
considering. That's not a bad thing in and of itself by the way.
What is bad is these couples finding out that they have trouble living
with their partners, and going ahead with the marriage any way! Just
because they were living together as a step along the way, they
figured that they could simply continue along and everything would be
fine.
My advice to any couple is this: first, set your goals. Decide exactly
what it is that you want in your life. If a marriage is the only thing
you need to be happy, don't wait for your partner - go have that
wedding right now. Find anyone that will marry you and get happy!
On the other hand, if you're looking for a good, solid, happy
relationship with someone you love, respect and care for - and that
loves, respects and cares for you, then set that as your goal and find
the format for the relationship that works. Try living with that
person first too. Decide if that is the right structure for your
particular relationship. Only after you've done this should you
consider being engaged.
In a case like yours where you are already engaged, remember that
living together is something of a trial run. If it doesn't work out,
it's perfectly acceptable to "downsize" the relationship and go back
to being a couple that doesn't live together. But, whatever you do,
don't jump into a marriage if living together doesn't work out.
Hope these articles helps you with your dilemma.
Good luck, Redhoss |
Clarification of Answer by
redhoss-ga
on
04 Jun 2004 16:01 PDT
Hello woji, I'm sorry about the answer I submitted to you previously,
as I reread my answers and agree that I did not provide you with the
information you requested. I have done more research on the subject
and think this will answer your question.
Living Together and Cohabitation Agreements
TIP:
In the event of death or breakup without a cohabitation agreement, you
and your partner may be treated as legal strangers.
If you have chosen cohabitation over marriage - you aren't alone.
Cohabitation between married partners has increased 1,150 percent in
the last 40 years. Many myths still exist, however, about the concept
of "living together". The fact remains that, unless you define your
partnership through a legal contract, the law may view you as
strangers in the case of a breakup or death.
WHAT IS COHABITATION?
In recent years, the concept of cohabitation has expanded to include
any two partners who have integrated their residence, property and
daily lives. It is often seen as a starting point for people headed
toward marriage, but can also be an ultimate arrangement for couples
who don't want the social, personal and legal commitment that marriage
represents. There are numerous other reasons individuals cohabitate,
including:
Reduction of living expenses.
Inability of a union of same-sex individuals to be recognized by the law.
Choice by older individuals who don't want to upset family or friends
through remarriage.
THE NEED FOR COHABITATION AGREEMENTS.
By choosing cohabitation, couples are foregoing certain rights and
protections provided for them in a marital union. Married couples
accrue legal rights, including the right to receive a property
settlement and/or support in the event of divorce; file joint tax
returns; receive distributions from estates free of estate tax;
receive survivor's benefits from retirement plans and Social Security;
obtain "family" health insurance, dental insurance, and other
employment benefits; and automatically share in his/her partner's
property in the event he/she dies without a will. Unmarried couples,
on the other hand, generally acquire similar rights by expressly
securing their benefits in cohabitation agreements (also referred to
as cohabitation contracts). A cohabitation agreement is a private
contract between cohabitants, which typically tries to establish
contractually for the parties the rights and obligations that married
people obtain by custom, statute, and agreement.
WHY A COHABITATION AGREEMENT?
Even though you may regard your partner as a family member, the law
usually does not. As a result, your partner may not be taken care of
in the manner in which you wish. For example, if you die without a
will, your property generally will pass to your next-of-kin and not
your partner. Paradoxically, the law may provide certain benefits for
your partner that you had no intention of giving to him or her. Today,
some courts are using equitable doctrines to apportion assets between
cohabitants to prevent hardship and injustice. Since these doctrines
are vague, they are difficult and expensive to prove. Therefore, you
should be proactive and define your own partnership through a legal
contract. Here are some additional reasons to enter into cohabitation
agreements:
To guarantee the financially less secure partner an equitable settlement.
To properly compensate a party for his or her role as a caretaker.
To allow the financially more secure party to limit exposure in the
event of a breakup.
To disclose expectations of the relationship, both financial and personal.
WHAT TO COVER IN A COHABITATION AGREEMENT?
A cohabitation agreement is a flexible, laissez faire document that is
less subject to regulation than a marital agreement. These contracts
typically cover the following key points:
Distributing property in case of death or breakup.
Obligating financial support during the relationship or upon its dissolution.
Handling the payment of debts.
Dividing the principal residence upon breakup of the relationship.
Defining support, custody or visitation rights for minor children
(although nonbinding).
Specifying health insurance coverage.
Determining the right to serve as guardian/conservator in the event of
incapacitation.
Establishing the right to make medical decisions.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A COHAB AND A PRENUP?
Prenups and cohabs are essentially apples and oranges. A cohab will
NOT have the same force and effect after marriage as a prenup. Most
states have adopted legislation prescribing specific requirements for
prenups, but very few states have adopted laws dealing with cohabs. As
a result, cohabs are governed almost exclusively by general contract
principles. Please remember that while a prenup goes into effect only
upon marriage, a cohab usually isn't valid once the parties marry.
THE COMMITMENT CONVERSATION: A useful guide to help you create your agreement:
Are you in a long term relationship or do you know someone who is
building one? In an effort to help individuals and couples feel more
comfortable in discussing their lives together, we've created a
guidebook to help you and your partner navigate through the most
important conversations of your lives together.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE:
Regardless of how close your relationship is with your partner, living
together does not automatically entitle either one of you to the
rights and protections afforded to married couples. It is therefore
important for you and your partner to state your rights and
obligations in a legal document in the event of a breakup or death. A
cohabitation agreement will insure that you and your partner are
protected at the same time that it clarifies your understanding of the
relationship.
Whether you're planning on getting married or continue to cohabitate,
it is still important to initiate "Must Have Conversations" with your
partner. Also, take a look at "Merging Your Money" and "How to Talk
$$$" to help build a stronger financial foundation for your
partnership.
Again, my apologizes and I hope this information will better suit you.
Redhoss
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