A few weeks ago whilst walking in the woods, I met an old man with a
long beard and we started chatting, as you do.

He then tipped me off about an upcoming event that is too scary to mention.

Anyhow, without giving anything away, I've started building an Ark.

I now intend to collect a few pairs of animals for my upcoming venture.

The question is which ones?

And why?

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 07 Sep 2004 22:59 PDT

Wow!

Many thanks everyone.

Everything is now sorted and as soon as Queenie can come down to do
the launch, we will be ready for a trial cruise.

It's definitely decided: STRICTLY NO ANIMALS (Except Guide Dogs)

But as Daisy has joined the Girl Guides, she'll be OK.

I love cruising ...

So, Anchors Aweigh!

Pipe me on board, Men.

Bryan

Doves.  Came in handy the last time.

Be very sure not to take a mosquito.

Ostrich. I heard they are very handy: Small Head, Huge Body: like an
upside down popsicle. They will be also fun to draw, once the legend
would be told.

And a llama. You can never have too much of these, as Monty Python proved.

Cattle for nourishment.
Dogs for companionship.
Cats for comfort.
Impala for beauty.

And a few of us critters, if we can earn our keep.

Tryx

Have you thought about sanitation yet?  When bobbing about on the top
of the water, you can't just drill a hole in the bottom of the boat
and sweep everything out.

Just two elephants alone could create more 'problems' than you would
ever want to shake a stick at.

Stick to what you can handle.  A couple of amoeba, a pair of
paramecium, a brace of flatworms and some lady bugs.

Just thinking ahead
Digs

Mine?s a sympathy vote. The duck-billed platypus. Any animal looking
like that deserves to be given a chance to be saved.

Hmmmmmm

Not up to the expected standard so far, I am afraid.

Although Digs has raised the important issue of Sanitation, no one has
even considered Food.

C'mon, Folks, How am I gonna feed Cattle? Ostriches? Impala?
Flatworms? Or even Doves?

My Ark is a sea-going vessel that will be away from any sort of land
for months, even years.

Me? I will be eating Fish, Fish and more Fish.

Likewise, all the animals will have to survive on Fish.

In desperation, I am now increasing the Fee for this question.

But thanks anyway ... You have shown me what not to take.

(I had already decided that Elephants and Mosquitos were a No-No, anyway.)

But at a pinch, I might take Tryx.

It's the best offer I've had for ages.

Hi Bryan...

Please don't forget to bring Daisy aboard, along with whoever her
latest paramour is...

Steph53

Hi, Steph

Oops ... I'd completely forgotten Daisy ... Very many thanks!

You are also invited, too.

Don't forget to pack some swimwear.

I do hope that you and Tryx can hit if off together. (She's got rather
exotic tastes ... and some funny ideas ... like wearing a mask and
eating Ortolan even when it's out of season.)

Will you both be OK together?

I don't want any tantrums, etc.?

All the Best

Bryan

The Bible has some pretty interesting stuff to say about this; I'd
follow the Divine directive, if I were you. Just be sure to take along
baby animals, not full grown ones, or your Ark may sink.

Kriswrite

Originally, I was going to suggest you take 2 of every animal, but now
I'm thinking you should probably take 2.01 of every species.

And a large shovel...

paf

Unicorns.  Wooly mammoths.  Dodos.  

The real question is: how many humans?  That species has a tendency to
kill each other off . . .

Best regards,

O.

Kristina

Are you trying to tell me that someone has done this sort of thing before?

Paf

Many thanks Paf, I knew that I could count on you for some practical advice.

I can now see that this Project is going to be rather more difficult
than I had first imagined.

I think you should take Gummy bears, chocolate bunnies, marshmallow
peeps, cinnamon bears, and of course whatever species are to be found
in a box of animal crackers.

Hi Bryan and thanks for the invite!!!

I can only speak for myself, but I promise no tantrums. I bet Tryx and
I would get along just fine. Eh Tryx??

One small favour though....do you suppose I could bring my cat with me as well?
I'd hate to leave him behind.....He is litter trained and just loves little dogs!

Steph53

Um.. why only eat fish? It doesn't seem that it'd be that horrible to
eat some of your "passengers" on the boat. It wasn't just "in twos"
that animals were brought on, some where brought "in sevens". Just ask
a cattle rancher what he eats on the trail. Doubtful that it's
tumbleweeds and cactus.

You need fast breeders (rabbits and mice are great for food for
carnivores. They reproduce rapidly, I'm told) depending on your length
of stay.

Also don't forget that you'll want to stock up on vegetables and
fruit, maybe some potted bearing fruit so that they could last a bit
longer fresh. You also need water. Now, if the heavens are to be
opened, I'd say it'd probably do well to have some sort of gutter
system to allow the rain to be collected. Boiling seawater can work,
too, but it involves heat and what good is hot fresh water?

What are we eating today? How about gator? Yum! Yum!

Crythias

Many thanks for your very helpful suggestions.

Keep it up and you might get offered a seat on board.

However, I don't fancy gator.

A friend of mine led an expedition up the Amazon a few years ago and
he had the misfortune to fall into a crocodile infested section.

And - guess what? - before they could pull him out ...

He'd eaten 3 crocodiles.

He told me later that they must be an acquired taste.

So gators are out!

But thanks for the idea anyway.

Bryan

Seagulls will not be welcome on board.

For the past few weeks, this huge seagull has been waiting for Daisy &
Me as we take our morning constitutional.

As soon as he/or/she sees us he/or/she starts flapping his/her wings
and repeatedly screams 'Canuck! Canuck!' at us.

Not knowing  one word of Seagullese, I have absoluetly no idea what
the said creature desires of us.

I wonder ... 'Is there such a word as Canuck and, if so, what is it's meaning?'

More importantly, how should we reply?

Oooh, thanks, Bryan, I'd love to ride along!  No pinch, though.

Steph and I already know we're pretty compatible, having shared views
on some other matters.  No problem there.

But you *know* you are going to start getting into trouble if you make
a guest list.  So maybe we should all wear masques...hmmm, why does
that idea have such a familiar ring?

*I* didn't forget Daisy.  I suggested dogs.  And I'm a cat person, you
know.  Like Steph.  I also wanted to suggest warthogs, but I do
recognize that they don't have as many fans.

I think the right response to the persistent seagull would be "eh?" 
Is this *the* seagull, Daisy's indefatigable admirer?

Tryx

Of coruse there is such a word: 
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=canuck&r=67

Please Bryan, take all houseflies into you ark as they are making me
crazy this year. You will get a five star rating and a big tip from
me.
I´m sure your almighty chat partner will find a solution to prevent
them from making YOU crazy in the ark.

your very grateful (if accepted)
till

Wow! Very many thanks for all the helpful comments.

Many thanks also to Politicalguru for her cryptic comment. I have
searched for 'coruse', as you suggested but all I get is:

[QUOTE]

Sorry, no dictionaries indexed in the selected category contain the word coruse. 

Perhaps you meant:
ceruse  (found in 15 dictionaries) 
course  (found in 43 dictionaries) 
cruse  (found in 19 dictionaries) 
corse  (found in 15 dictionaries) 
corpse  (found in 28 dictionaries) 

{UNQUOTE]

Of ceruse, I haven't checked dictionaries in languages other than
English and I haven't even got a Seagullese Dictionary that I can use.

Of corpse, Amazon may be able to help.

Wamrest regrads

Byran

Hmmmmmmmm......

A seagull screaming " Canuck, Canuck"???????

Sounds to me that this particular seagull is simply looking for some
good folks from Canada. Mabe the poor thing is lost and homesick......

Perhaps, a quick jaunt on the ark to drop it off at the Canuck boarder?

Regards,

Steph53

Hi Bryan,

I don't really have any suggestions that are better than the ones that
you have already received.  I'm just sticking my nose in here to say
hello in response to your hello on my African song question.

I like the comments that you have so far on this question.  I'm really
interested in hearing your solution to the sanitation problem that
Digs brought up.

Good luck to you on your venture!

Googlenut

'Who needs any animals at all?' I now ask myself.

They need feeding, cleaning and the rest ... And the vet bills are horrendous.

So, my latest thinking is just to invite a few folk from the GA-Galaxy
along for companionship.

Plus Daisy, of course.

Well?

Just for companionship?

But Google Answers Researchers can do so much more!  (At least we can
with a decent computer and a fast Internet connection, which may or
may not be available on your ark.)

We could answer such difficult questions as:

- "Why is this boat leaking?"

- "Are we there yet?"

- And, most important: "Can you think of a name for my start-up company?"

How could your ark get by without such crucial information?  So, I
say, not just for companionship, but for five-star answers (plus tip).

You forgot, "Why doesn't my ark appear in the Google search results".

Oh dear, Justaskscott

Can't you see that it's going to be a much more attarctive proposition
for me to continue to ask questions on GA @ $2.50 throw, rather than
to have to provide a berth for any of the Magnifcent 500 on my little
Ark?

In any event, what about the Logistics?

You may not realise this but some of the Researchers actually live on
the wrong side of the World. Upside down, no less.

Why I am not even sure that my little Ark is going to work upside down.

So, there we are: NO animals except Daisy; No researchers who are upside-down.

We are refining the List quite nicely, I think.

I have more :) How do I get rid of the list of animals I researched
last time I made an ark? When I type it, it automatically fills in the
search request.

$2 - My ark has a STOP Error - Inaccessible boat device. How do I repair it?

$2 - Can you find a free version of the ark? 

$30! - My ark is 10m wide by 20m long by 30m tall... what is the total
surface area and the volume of the ark? How many different ways can I
choose to make a ark with those dimensions?

$10 - Where can I find the previous owner of my ark, Last known
address, Mt Arrarat, license NOA ARK?

$200- If I have an idea for an ark, how do I protect it from being
copied? I think a major vessel builder stole my idea. Please find
prior art for this patent!

How about:

I was watching a show on the discovery channel about some kind of
transportation called an Akrh or something like that.  Maybe it was a
boat?  Can you find the show?

"Doctors Morris and Whitcomb in their classic book, "The Genesis
Flood," state that no more than 35,000 individual animals needed to go
on the ark..."
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-c013.html

"Woodmorappe totals about 8000 genera, including extinct genera, thus
about 16,000 individual animals which had to be aboard..."
http://www.answersingenesis.org/creation/v19/i2/animals.asp

Just make sure and bring Pink along, the human race will need to
repopulate after all.

This is getting hilarious.

I am now wondering if I should allow any computers or mobile phones on board.

But then I might have a Mutiny ...

Who would like to buy the screen rights for 'Mutiny on the Ark'?

I shall be Captain Blyan.

Google never heard of "Captain Blyan":

://www.google.co.uk/search?q=%22Captain+Blyan%22

Captain Blyan, be sure to take some bleadfluit trees on your ark.

Excuse me.

I meant to say 'bleadfluit tlees.'

I am vely solly.

Howdy Hi, All

And thanks for the suggestions ...

Freddy, I suppose you realise that Captain Blyan has now arrived in
Googoology thanks to you and me? Try agin tomorrow!

Similarly, Pink's 'bleadfluit tlees'.

Do you realise that in 100 years time ... it will be impossible to
find anything on the Web because it will be clogged up with
misspellings, mispronounciations and Pinkfreudisms.

Correction ... 12 months time.

Gee my system is very slow today ...

Is it happening already?

Digs

You are cordially invited on board as an honoured guest.

Indeed, you can have a first-class cabin with sea views on the POSH
side with Room Service; free use of the First Class Entertainment Deck
and free dances with any of the Dancing Girls that takes your fancy;
and free use of the Bar.

'Why? Your fellow Researchers may ask, 'Should Digs be so favoured?'

well, it is because that I have been advised that the other famous
archeologist apparently discovered something called the 'Temple of the
Lost Ark' ...

Maybe? Just maybe?  

PS There will be a Duty Free Shop, as well.

i would say 2 of everything on earth but thats a lot

What other famous archaeologist?  Anybody can find an ark. Pish-posh!

Where I displayed 'my' talents was losing it in the first place.  It
takes real skill to lose an ark.

Thanks for the invite.  I accept.  May I cook?

Now if I can just find my inflatable horsey ring.

Digs

The Board of The Unlost Ark Inc are pleased to announce that Monsieur
Jean-Pierre Digsalot the famous Culinary Expert has been appointed
Chef de Cruise.

Also, there will be a photo shoot where the Admiral will wear his new
uniform whilst carrying a fully restored 3 foot Brass Telescope.

Passes for accredited Press Repreaentatives can be obtained from:

theunlostarkinc.com

Tryxalot and Stephalot will perform a hornpipe and sing sea shanties
until the mainbrace has been fully splitted.

[END OF BOARD ANNOUNCEMENT]

Bryan --

In an article titled "Scientists Reach Out to Distant Worlds,"
published in the New York Times in 2002, Natalie Angier deals with the
problem of traveling outside the solar system.  No "40 days and 40
nights" here -- we're talking about a lifetime to get to Alpha
Centauri.

Some highlights:
*  "One thing is almost certain.  You'll have to leave the steak,
cheesecake and artichokes with hollandaise sauce behind," says Dr.
Jean B. Hunter, an associate professor of biological and environmental
engineering at Cornell.  The food would be grown hydroponicaly. 
Yeasts would be used to produce carbohydrates, sugars, proteins and
fats quickly.  No manna from heaven -- instead they'd use a protein
product called "quorn," according to the good doctor.
*  Dr. John Moore, a research professor of anthropology at the
University of Florida, says that the population of the interstellar
crew could be as little as 80-100 and be self-sustaining and viable
for more than 1,000 years.  He's apparently done computer simulations
and discovered that there would have to be two rules:
  1.  women would have to wait until their mid-30's to have children
  2.  each couple could only have 2 children
"Delayed childbearing and small families are known to help maintain
genetic variability in a closed population," writes Angier.
*  What else?  English would be the common language.

Best regards,

O.