Some 50 years ago, a disciple of Joanna Southcott deposited the most
important of Southcott?s writings to the care of Marian Paroo, the
Librarian at the Orcasian Library.

Marian deposited Southcott?s writings in the Library safe before
disappearing in scandalous circumstances with a travelling salesman.

A sadder and wiser girl, Marian Hill as she now called herself never
returned to the Isle of Ork.

Now, a lady detective has found the safe but even though Marian
supposedly left the combination with the Mayor?s wife, the safe
remains locked!

Fear not, the safe will be opened!

But what secrets will be revealed when it is opened after all these years?

It is all beginning to make sense:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=440694

Wh-what the hay !?!

My dear Dr. Watson,

Miss Irene ensured safe passage of your most intriguing letter. Your
research I see is up to your usual standard of excellence in your
thirst for knowledge. I meditated upon the contents of the strong box
in question early this evening. I have concluded thus far, our answer
will indeed be revealed post haste with the further aid of Miss Irene.

Firstly dear Watson, a part of our answer will come from the strong
box itself, with a follow up to the safe-maker. Should the characters
"B1" appear upon the nameplate, this indicates a burglary-resistive
chest. Of greater interest is the combination of numbers. These I have
deduced to be merely a Red Herring.

The numerals 55, 18, and 35 were in fact the ample measurements of
Molly, daughter of the famous Ohio race caller, Fred W Coddle. Molly
too of course endured many attempted burglaries of her very own chest.
Fred W passed from this world at the age of 71, hence the fourth
combination in the numerical sequence. Orcas Island was chosen by
Herring, Hall and Marvin to provide another clue to their lengthy
attempt at jest. ORCA you may recall is the acronym for the Ohio Race
Callers Association. Not only are we led to Fred W Hoddle, alas the
home of the safe-makers themselves.

I fear for the townsfolk's hearts on the isle of Orca. Their hopes and
aspirations have been lifted and goaded in wonderment not only of the
contents, but also of the unstated prize. Their fears will be realised
upon entering poor Molly's strongbox. The final jest bestowed upon the
quiet village of Orca will dampen their spirits forever. For I have
solved the riddle, unfortunate as it may be Watson. Acquired knowledge
of the contents must be realised before entry can be gained. This is
the final and twisted humour of Messrs Herring, Hall and Marvin. I
suggest you encourage Miss Irene  be fleet of foot toward Ohio in
order to save her village, so far bereft of knowledge yet unsettled in
angst.

The contents of the safe will offer a yellowed document, upon which
are simply the correct combination of numbers to open up old Molly.

Your most humble friend, God speed Miss Irene,

Sherlock H.

I - I'm still trying to work out who this lady detective Miss Irene is . . .

I believe the safe contains the details of the
cryptographic-ideometric methodology used by the Allies to unlock the
identities of Nazi double-agents stationed in Indiana who were
plotting to undermine the U.S. war effort by funding a series of
highly provocative recreational opportunities througout the US, aimed
at distracting the attention of the young men of the era who would
otherwise be tempted to enlist and fight.  The plan was trouble with a
capital T.  The first such recreational hall was planned for the
double-agents' base of operations, in Gary, IN.

The crypto-ideo methodology itself was known by its code name, the Think Method.

Hope that helps.  

paf

Hello, Timely One

The Irene about whom you enquire is none other than Irene Adler.

In the story 'A Scandal in Bohemia' Irene Adler is not portrayed as an
evil villain.  She merely seeks revenge on the King of Bohemia, the
man who broke her heart and treated her like she wasn?t good enough to
marry.  Irene Adler is a caring person with a good heart and therefore
is not the usual type of villain that Holmes and Watson deal with. 
She is not dangerous or crazy.  The fact that Watson felt ?ashamed? of
himself for conspiring against Adler shows that she has an advantage
over her enemies because her appearance does not rouse suspicions of
her activities.  The friendly, harmless personality of the antagonist
adds to the story?s appeal because in this case, unlike all the
others, the reader sympathizes with the villain.

You can learn more about Irene here:

http://studentweb.tulane.edu/~mezra/Irene.html

This will give you an insight into why the sagacious Phil Silver et
moi are hot on her trail.

We are but lowly King's Messengers who wish to contact Irene Adler and
to express his Majesty's apologies for the misunderstandings.

We also have instructions to break into the mysterious safe that has
recently been discovered on the Isle of Ork and to recover any
correspondence which might expose our good and noble King as a Nazi
sympathiser.

You have attracted the attention of our Secret Service because of your
own quest for 'the Diaries'.

We have eyes everywhere.

Hello Pafalafa, 

Or should I say Treble Agent Bloggs?

Yes ... we know all about your activities at the Gary Conservatory and
the Class of 05 ... Wow that's next year!

The last time our paths crossed you were masquerading as a member of
the School Board.

Precisely who are you working for on this assignment?

whew!

I'm so glad to read that Irene  "is not dangerous or crazy"

for a while there I was sure it was the latter . . .

carry on!

ts

I believe the safe should not be opened: it is Marian's equivalent of
Pandora's Box. If its seal is breached, there will be Trouble in River
City. That's Trouble with a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and
that stands for Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, when
it's not standing for Paroo -- and I have heard that Paroos will stand
for anything, especially on the Internet. After all, how ya gonna keep
'em down on the forum after they've seen Paroo?

Pay no mind to me. I am just a li'l gal from Orklahoma who cain't say
"No," but who can say "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis."

<smile!>

My Dear Watson,

By the time you have read this, I shall have begun my brief sojourn to
the north. Upon my return I suspect that all truths be revealed.

You have cleverly drawn the Pinkerton agent from the shadows. Her
parody as the femme fatale of Orklahoma should not give cause to lower
one's guard old chap. She refers of course to "The Adventure of the
Sealed Room". Recall too that Miss Adler was once a Pinkerton agent.

Have you taken leave of your senses dear Watson? It is patently clear
that our well versed and articulate Paf is the infamous Moriarty in
disguise. He refers to distracting the attention of young men from
their honourable intentions. That is precisely his intention now, to
put us off the scent. Beware!

Trouble not, for these double, triple and quadrupling agents will meet
their demise upon the Timely opening of Molly's strong-box. Imagine
their grimaces when you fein your very own secret diaries as the
contents of the hold. You must use sleight of hand in exchanging your
works for the yellowed document.

Our young understudy and compatriot Granville sends his best wishes. I
hasten to add, his appointment to Adelaide University has been met
with much scorn. Raised brows adorn the scant faces within his lecture
theatres. Poor Granville.

I bid you a temporary farewell dear Doctor. I shall return with the
eagerness of a hungry Baskerville hound to learn of your further
unravellings in our case at hand.

Yours in good faith and partner in thyme,

Holmes

The plot thickens.

With the return of the dreaded
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. And has this evil
spirit taken over the much respected Pafalafa? Big mistake for him to
have visited those speakeasies down on Barbary Coast.

Must now wait for Holmes. All he said was that he was 'going North'.
Could be that he's on his way to Ork. But why oh why did he have to go
away at a time like this?

Or has he been abducted?

This is going to ruin Christmas.

bon voyage, Phil, and Godspeed!

we will await your return from the wilds of Paroo

stay wary of any diseases whose name have more than 37 letters!

boil your water!

You're taking Granville with you, I assume . . .  no?

he's an inveterate bushwacker; safety in numbers and all . . .

yours in faith,

Miss Irene 
(a.k.a. ts)

At all costs, steer clear of those invertebrate bushwackers....

paf

talk about thickened plots!

I have uncovered an entirely new development!

this safe is manufactured by the Diebold Company ! ! !

I had suspected there was government involvement, and now this . . .

what now, compratriots?

Miss Irene

Hi everyone,

Just back from a few days in the scrub. Or bush. Or countryside should
I refer for our English friends, but not quite the outback as our
American friends might consider. Went walkabout you might say. Very
burnt all over, with a nose suitable for the lead venison in a sleigh
team.

Anyway, the most unusual occurance occurred. A bloke standing under a
funny looking hat and wearing a matching tweed jacket (sleeveless,
like a poncho), approached me for a light. I threw him my lighter, and
he lit his pipe. He spoke like a real gentleman. Yet I wondered why an
Englishman would be out in the midday sun, not to mention his
winter-like clothes. Then he told me something after what seemed an
eternity.

"You must relay this to Miss Irene upon your return. She is to view
the 1956 ledger of the Orcas Island Public Library. Wherein the answer
to her enigma shall be solved, yet only after close scrutiny."

As you would imagine, I asked lots of questions. He just gazed up at
the sky most of the time, with occasional interjectorary kicks to the
mad dog by his heel. He finally said: "The combination has been
transposed incorrectly". Then he walked away.

Don't know what else to say. Just check out the 1956 original ledger Miss Irene.

Phil

Holmes, old man, or may I address you as The Old Shyster?

So pleased that you have returned but ...

Is it really you?

The bad news is that Miss Irene has now disappeared, feared abducted.

I suspect that she too will also have a red nose if and when she reappears.

Yes A LOT of port does get consumed during the Festive Season.

Ahh my good friend Watson, the solid rock you are, best described as
the foundation cornerstone ..

Good God man, not another possible abductee in Miss Irene? Surely not,
elsewise her abduction be condoned and invited by the good lady
herself? Port indeed does assist in these matters, particularly
matters of the heart. Should we also investigate the whereabouts of
Paf aka Moriarty? Does one smell a conspiracy here?

As you say, we have eyes everywhere. I can not accentuate enough the
need for our fair lady to closely examine her local library ledger of
1956. Would you be so kind as to compose the appropriate and succinct
words of urgency to Miss Irene should she resubmerge from her
abduction forced or otherwise? I have also gleaned that Molly's
strongbox is bewheeled. The wheels may not in fact be factory fitted
per se. If post factory fitment, this may confuse the reference to
"B1" as previously discussed. However, and I reiterate, 1956 holds the
answer.

Your most humble partner in thyme,

Sherlock H.

ps. Of course good friend, you may refer to me as to that which best
fits. I have been referred to in vastly worse and vulgar terms
unfounded. Old Shyster has a certain earthly tone to my liking of
cloak and dagger darkness.

agghhh!  I've been spirited away by little red-nosed midgets, or are they elves?

they are threatening death by tickling!

I do believe this is an all-round conspiracy!

the situation has become desparate!  they want ransom!

send money!  send merlot!  send some WD-40!

Miss Irene

Miss Irene,

Sending quantities of Tickle Me Pink - O Cream in lieu of WD40.

S.H.

It's now beginning to make sense!

Joanna Southcott predicted the End of the World, that is the Total
Collapse of the American Economy ...

See:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=444497

We now need to open that safe as a matter of urgency and I hereby
request Agent Pafalafa to requisition Omni's fleet of clapped-out
aircraft and to fly over to our beleaguered representatives in Western
Australia. Use whatever force is necessary.

Oh and please leave Irene there. She has proved a great
disappointment. Tell her there's no room or something. Anything.

Remember our watchword 'Plausible Denial'.

Thanks!

Let me get this straight . . .

You're leaving me in Western Australia with a jar of O-Cream and a band of midgets?

Dear Watson, or whatever . . .

you realize, this varies widely from my original assignment, which,
granted, I have not completed, but geez! it's Christmas and the
weather down here is unseasonably warm for a wayward Orcasian.

Besides, I'd like to be home before the world ends, if you don't mind.
(must turn the compost)

Miss Irene