I was a real bastard, treated her like crap, not all of the time, but
now shes gone I realise how much she meant to me, i love her and cant
let go, what should I do?  she doesnt want me to back :(

Are there any visible, verifiable signs that you have changed your
ways or improved your attitude? For instance, have you attended anger
management therapy or otherwise sought professional help? If all you
can offer this woman is "I'm sorry, I won't mistreat you again," she
isn't likely to be very impressed, since most abusers say such things
in between abusive episodes.

I know this may seem harsh but, there is no way unless she wants you back. 

Pink....
Randomegga did not say he abused her, just said he treated her like
*crap*...to me there is a big difference.

Steph53

I can't imagine a woman who is treated like crap who doesn't feel
abused. Abuse is not always physical. A pattern of deliberately
assailing someone's sense of self-worth can cause a person more
longtime suffering than broken bones and split lips. I've been there.

Hi Pink...

I was *there* once too ( emotionally abusive ex )

However, when Randomegga said he treated her like *crap*, it may not
necessarily mean abuse. He could have told her he'd call, then didn't,
stood her up for dates, flirted with other women, etc.
Thats my interpretation anyway...

Mabe Randomegga will clarify what he meant by treated her like *crap*.

Steph53

Very well then, let's assume that a person who is treated like crap is
not being abused. It seems apparent that this woman was being treated
in a way that was not pleasing to her, regardless of semantics.
Otherwise, why would she have left and refused to return?

IMHO, unless she truly believes that this sort of maltreatment
(whatever it was) will not happen again, she will probably not
consider resuming the relationship. No amount of apologizing or
excuse-making is likely to make any difference. The only thing that
might turn things around would be if she has some kind of independent
evidence (other than your words) of a drastic change in you, assuming
that there has been such a change.

I'm in Pink's court on this one.  Being treated "like crap" tells me
you were not very nice to her.  The fact that "she doesn't want me
back :(" also supports the abuse.  You get the task of deciding the
level of abuse and what you are going to do about it in the future.

It has been my experience that people do not charge.  What this means
in your case is that if you get back together with her -- your HABIT
of treating her "like crap" will come back after about two weeks. You
will be happy and she will be sad.

How to change this,  find yourself a woman who will not accept being
treated like carp.  The second you start, will be the second you get
knocked on your ass (figuratively speaking, of course)

Here is a question for you to think about, why do you want to be with
someone you treat badly?

I just got into a habit of taking her for granted,  I became too
confident around her, she was nothing but nice to me, never ever did
anything wrong and I found myself using her because of it.  I feel so
guilty about it, ashamed even, I cant believe I sank so low, shes the
sweetest thing.   I feel so bad.  Cant live with myself for it.

You sound like you are on a sympathy phase for yourself here. If you
truely think you cant live with out her, then it highlights your
emotional issues. The first thing you need to do id come to grips with
why you treated her that way  *** you don't take people for granite
just because thye are too good to you***. So my thinking is that you
first need to discover why you had these issues, fix them and learn to
live without her. Once you actually do learn to live without, you'll
have reached a better place in your life. And just a thought is it
that you really miss her or did you just realize how good you had it
and miss that?

So women like being mistreated,maybe you weren't heel enough for her.

face it -- it just wasn't meant to be

let go, move on, dude

I'm in the same situation myself. We split last November but I still
live with her. She has 2 kids, 1 of which calls me Daddy but I'm not
the biological one. I didn't pay her enough attention and played my
video games instead. I didn't help enough around the house and was a
bit lazy. I have always loved her with all my heart and we were also
engaged. She is my whole life and I want to be with her for the long
haul. Be there for all the good and bad. I can make her happy. I've
missed her so much this last few months even though I'm still living
with her. I long to hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her but
I can't and it hurnts so much. I don't want to leave because I love
our Daughter so much also and don't want to leave her lost without a
Dad. Lately I've cleaned up my act. I've been helping round the house
as much as possible. I've been getting up with our little girl at 8am
every morning on my off days from work and look after her and clean up
the house and do whatevers needed and let my beautiful baby sleep in.
I had heard from one of her friends that she had been so lonely and
hated being second behind a video game console. This past while, I get
sick when I even think about it. Someone asked me if I wanted a game
on it the other night and I couldn't bare to go near it. I'm even
thinking of giving it away. Her friend has told me that she has notice
the up turn in my behaviour and I hope she likes it. I've cut out all
the little bad habbits I had that bugged her and I hope that she has
noticed. I would do anything to have another chance with her, to put
all the wrongs things right because I know that I'm capable of doing
so and I know I can make her happy and be there for her always. I just
hope that I haven't let things go too far wrong. We are so great
together and I just simply adore her!

I know most logical thing for most people to say is to get over it and
move on.  But sometimes it isn't so easy.  I think giving up is the
worst thing to do.  It lets the girls know that she wasn't worth your
time.  I agree with the answer that suggested taking some kind of
counseling class and showing that you are taking measures to change
yourself or maybe even studying books to understand a woman from a
woman's perspective.  "Saying" you will change might work the first
couple time but after that it'll get really really hard to get back
because it becomes an empty promise.  Most times I believe when a girl
breaks up with you they are still in love you but, they don't feel the
future is going to be stable.  Breaking up for them may be just as
difficult for them as well, but they won't show it to you.  So by
showing that you are making efforts and showing the results you can
win back a girl's heart.  Just don't make the same mistake again!
Also, don't become a drag by begging her to come back it really turns
them off more, it shows your lack of confidence.  Women love
confidence and motivated guys, but don't mistake this for being overly
cocky.  Don't forget to give the woman some time and space.  Sometimes
this can go a really long way.  I believe if you really love someone
you can change your flaws.  In the end even if you don't get the girl
back at least you came out trying and with one less flaw to yourself.

This is a good article that might help you:
http://www.free-articles-zone.com/article/How%20to%20be%20Successful%20in%20Life,%20Dating,%20and%20Business

Try it..it worked for me.