someone I knew long ago used to tell a story -- others said it was an
old, old joke -- about a missionary, a polynesian tribe and a flock of
birds of a type called 'foo' birds.

the punch line, or moral, was: "If the Foo shits, wear it."

anybody know the joke?

Oh, I do love jokes with dreadful punny punchlines!

The "Foo Bird" joke is an old one, all right. I remember hearing it at
Girl Scout Camp when I was around eleven years old, in the late 1950s.

This is the way I recall it:

An American missionary travels to a remote island in the South
Pacific. Upon arriving, he is greeted by jubilant tribesmen and
dancing hula girls, all chanting a song whose chorus contains the
syllable "foo" repeated over and over.

The tribal chieftain tells the missionary that he is just in time for
the "Foo Festival," a traditional time of homage and respect for a
local bird which is revered as a powerful, godlike being. The
missionary smiles and nods at the myths of these simple people, and
asks to learn more about the Foo Bird.

The chief says that the bird, although small, is known for its copious
feces. In fact, the chief points out, the whole island is encrusted
with dried Foo doo. It is considered to be a great honor for the Foo
Bird to fly above your domicile and bless your roof with his
droppings. The Foo Bird's excrement brings good fortune and blessings
to all the people, and it would be a sin to disturb the piles of Foo
poo that have accumulated everywhere.

The missionary is a bit disconcerted by this strange belief, and he
begins to say something when he hears a tiny "chirp!" and a blob of
avian doody lands on his shoulder. He looks up to see that above him
flaps the Foo Bird, ready to drop another load.

Disgusted, the missionary takes out his handkerchief and wipes away the Foo feces. 

He drops dead on the spot.

The chief looks at down him sadly and says, "Truly it is written: If
the Foo shits, wear it!"

=====

I hope this is exactly the joke you're thinking of. If not, please let
me try again. I've got a million of 'em. Some of the puns are
childish, but most are full-groan. ;-)

Best,
Pink

---

Request for Answer Clarification by timespacette-ga on 23 Feb 2005 09:12 PST

hey Pink (and hey Phil!) -- thanks for putting forth . . . yes, we
seem to be birds of a feather when it comes to silliness . . .

I think there may be many variations on this story, Pink, yours is not
exactly what I remember but it certainly fits, and I like it! . . . I
wonder what other versions are out there? . . . I remember something
about the missionary trying to convert the tribes people, and he
almost does -- except for this one paganistic ritual that the tribe
has involving the foo doo.  I think then they choose a young man of
the tribe to experiment with abstaining from this ritual . . . and
after three days (jokes always have this three pattern to draw out the
tension)  the young man dies.  Somehow I like yours better...

what an interesting puzzle to dream up jokes to go with punch lines!

(that was GOOD Phil!)

got any more Pink?  of course, the worse they, the better they are . .
. and we all know that in this arena you are so bad, you're good . . .
 cheers!

ts

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 23 Feb 2005 10:21 PST

I didn't expect that my version of the Foo joke would be identical to
the one you'd heard (unless you were a Girl Scout in Tulsa in 1959).
Jokes vary according to the teller, and this one must have been retold
millions of times in the last fifty years (or more) that it's been
making the rounds.

Here you'll find some additional iterations of the joke:

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~bbowman/birds/humor/foo_bird.html

http://www.tech-sol.net/humor/animal42.htm

http://www.heggen.net/entertainment/shaggy_dogs/FooBird.htm

http://www.unleadedjokes.com/html/Bird-Brained-in-Helopisa.html

http://www.awpi.com/Combs/Shaggy/027.html

If you love this type of punny joke, I highly recommend the website to
which the last of the links above leads. The site is called "Tarzan's
Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots, The Web's First Shaggy Dog Story
Archive." It contains a huge number of Spoonerisms, Shaggy Dog
Stories, Feghoots, and Groaners. So many, in fact, that the
razor-sharp wit can scarcely be tethered. In other words, more than
you can stake a Schick at.

http://www.awpi.com/Combs/Shaggy/index.html

great links!

TS and Pink,

No, no, no. You have it all wrong girls.

The pun (not a joke, but true I tell you) was about a Visionary, a
polygamy bribe and a harem of Aussie birds becoming brides.

An Aussie version of Don Juan attracted many birds (Aus for girls)
with his wooing. As he was innundated with so many willing women he
chose to profit from his talents by introducing his attentive throng
to his friends. His fee as the ice-breaker was payment upon a
successful marriage between the chosen introductions. He resorted to
this profit making idea as it would have been illegal for him to marry
them all himself.

The age old adage of his accomplishment has come about as:

"If the woo fits, share it".

Phil

ps.. a pleasure again to have crossed the paths of two of my favourite "birds".

yuk, yuk, har, har I love these jokes!

ts,

Thankya for the five stars and the tip!

While we're on the subject of puns and poo, here's a limerick:

A clumsy young fellow named Clyde
Fell into an outhouse and died.
 The next day, his brother
 Fell into another,
And now they're interred side by side. 

~pf

TS,

Not a bad idea. Please post another punch-line, made up. Let's see if
we can make up other jokes to suit. It must come from doing cryptic
crosswords and writing poetry in reverse thought, as your idea is
appealing.

Great to "read" you again. I miss ya kid.

Phil