Hello griffith933-ga,
I know have a whole new repertoire to tell my friends!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A: She wanted to lay it on the line.
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Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
A: She wanted to stretch her legs.
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Q: Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
A: She was afraid someone would Caesar!
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"Three-Legged Chickens"
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running
alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with
him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken
stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed
him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So, he followed
the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car
and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer,
"What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said, "Well, everybody
likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a
millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said,
"Don't know, haven't caught one yet."
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Chicken and the Egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against
the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"
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Chicken and the Horse
Once upon a time, there was a horse and a chicken who were good
friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were
very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the
horse stepped into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was
yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought
for a minute, then ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into the
farmer's 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the
chicken managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced over to
the sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. The smart
chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw the other end
around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped back in the
driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased
out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky
legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life. Thank you!" The chicken just
said, "Don't mention it - That's what friends are for!? They returned
the BMW and went out to dinner together in the barnyard.
A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and heard
some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. The horse
followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene. There was his best
friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand! The sand was
already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for help had almost
stopped. The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight and the
farmer had gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a
deep breath and spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member
was dangling down right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab
my thingie and I will pull you to safety!". With its last bit of
energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the big horse-thingie and the
horse straightened its body, pulling the chicken from its trap. With
one big step, both were on solid ground and safe. The chicken slumped
down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved my life, my friend!? The
horse just smiled. And what is the moral of this story? ... If you're
hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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Q. What Do You Call A Chicken That Crosses The Road, Rolls In The
Dirt, Crosses The Road, And Again Rolls In The Dirt?
A. A Dirty Double-Crossing Chicken!
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Q. What Do You Call A Frightened Scuba Diver?
A. Chicken of the Sea.
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Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Guitar?
A. A Chicken That Makes Music When You Pluck It!
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Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken And A Pit Bull?
A. Just the Pit Bull.
***10------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Bell?
A. An Alarm Cluck.
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Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Chicken With A Racehorse?
A. A Hen That Lays Odds.
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Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Dog With A Chicken?
A. A Hen That Lays Pooched Eggs.
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Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Ghost With A Chicken?
A. A Poultry-Geist.
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Q. What Glows In The Dark And Goes Cluck?
A. Chicken Kiev.
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Q. What Goes Peck, Peck, Peck, Boom?
A. A Chicken in a Mine Field.
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Q. What Is Chicken Teriyaki?
A. The Name of the Oldest Living Kamikaze Pilot.
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Q. What Is the Best Kind Of Car to Be Driving When You?re Ready to Play Chicken?
A. A Coupe.
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Q. What Is The Difference Between `Kinky' And `Erotic?'
A. With `Kinky' You Use The Whole Chicken.
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Q. What Is The Difference Between A Chicken And An Elephant?
A. An Elephant Can Get Chicken Pox, But A Chicken Can't Get Elephant Pox.
***20------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. What Is The Difference Between President Hoover And President Clinton?
A. One Promised A Chicken In Every Pot And The Other Was An
Unpromising Chicken Who Smoked Pot.
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Q. When Fruit Comes From A Fruit Tree, What Kind Of Tree Does Chicken Come From?
A. A Poul-Tree.
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Q. Which Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg?
A. Neither, the Rooster.
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Q. Why Did The Elephant Cross The Road?
A1. Chicken's Day Off.
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Q. Why Did The Blonde Bake A Chicken For 3 And A Half Days?
A. It Said Cook It For Half An Hour Per Pound, And She Weighed 125.
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Q. Why Does A Chicken Coup Have Two Doors?
A. If It Had Four, It Would Be A Sedan.
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Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!
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Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
A: She was tickled to death!
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Q: Why don't chickens like people?
A: They beat eggs!
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Q: Why did the rooster run away?
A: He was chicken!
***30------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do chickens grow on?
A: Eggplants!
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Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A: A bird that lays down!
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Q: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
A: She lays hand gren-eggs!
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Q: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
A: They go on peck-nics!
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Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A: Coop-cakes!
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Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An eggroll!
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Q: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg?
A: The bombshell!
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Q: What does an alarm cluck say?
A: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo!"
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Q: How long do chickens work?
A: Around the cluck!
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Q: Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
A: Fry-day!
***40------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
A: It eggs-plodes!
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Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn't what he was cracked up to be!
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Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?
A: Not if you're the chicken!
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Q: Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have enough guts!
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Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
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A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My
wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"
"Two years," says the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick-layer!
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Why does a rooster watch TV?
For hentertainment!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a bell?
A bird that has to wring its own neck!
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Who tells chicken jokes?
Comedihens!
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What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion!
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How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick!
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Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot!
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What did the sick chicken say?
I have the People Pox
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How does a chicken mail a letter?
In a HEN-velope.
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Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they?d break
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How do chickens bake a cake?
From Scratch.
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Why can?t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
Roost Beef
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Q) What do you get if you cross a LandRover with a baby chicken?
A) A 'Jeep-Jeep'!!!!!!
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We went to a new chicken place. We asked them how they prepare their chickens.
The waitress said, "We just tell them they're going to die."
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide
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What is Superchicken's real identity?
Cluck Kent.
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Why did the rooster file for divorce?
He was tired of being hen-pecked.
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What do you call a chicken with a disability?
Hendicapped.
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What do call a chicken that got too close to a nuclear plant?
Atomic cluck.
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Why did the rooster stay inside during the blizzard?
It was 'fowl' weather.
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Why is it easy for baby chickens to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
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What does a chicken wipe his beak with?
A henkerchief.
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What time do chickens go to lunch?
Twelve o cluck.
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Which religious man do chickens fear most?
The friar.
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How do you know when a chicken is under arrest?
She's wearing hencuffs.
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What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours.
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What do you call a joke book for chickens?
A yolk book
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What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, dad, look what marma-laid!
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Two hillbillies approach each other on a country road. One is carrying
a sack over his shoulder. "Hey, Billy Bob," calls out to the other,
"What you got in that sack?"
"Some chickens."
"If I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one of them?"
"Heck, Joe Bob, if you guess how many chickens I got in the sack, I'll
give you *both* of them."
"Okay. Er... Five?"
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The Chicken and the Library
A chicken walks into a library and says to the librarian "book, book,
book," so the librarian gives the chicken three books and it walks
out. About an hour later, the chicken walks in again and says "book,
book, book," so once again, the librarian gives the chicken three
books and it walks out. About an hour later, it comes back in and says
"book, book, book," so the librarian gives the chicken three books and
it walks out. This time however, the librarian is a little curious so
she follows the chicken. She continues to follow it for about half an
hour when it comes to a marsh and puts the books on the ground. A frog
leaps out of the marsh, looks at the books, and says "readit, readit,
readit."
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KFC: Our Daily Chicken
A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million
dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day
our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope
refused his offer.
Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change
it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our
daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer.
Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and
finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his
officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. ? The good news
is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad
news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''
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Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
- It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
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The Headless Chicken
The other night I couldn't sleep, so I was listening to the late night
radio show of Art Bell, master of the paranormal and strange. The show
was accepting calls from people who had been or were currently
'possessed'. One guy called in and discussed how he had been possessed
by a headless chicken. After a few other callers, Art Bell got a fax
saying that the guy hadn't been possessed by a headless chicken, he
must have been possessed by a poultrygeist.
***80------------------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why did the chicken cross the Information Superhighway?
A. To get to the other site.
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Q. Why did the chicken cross the hay field?
A. To get to the other scythe.
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Q. What do you call the chicken that crossed the road?
A. Poultry in motion.
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Q. Didja hear about the farmer who put a sign in his chicken coop?
A. It said, "EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HENS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK."
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An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred
chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for
another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A
month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for
the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going
wrong," said the idiot, "I think I'm planting them too deep."
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The young teacher was complaining to her friends about how badly she
was being paid. "We get a really poultry amount each month," she said.
"You mean 'paltry'," corrected one of her friends. "No. I don't. I
mean 'poultry'," replied the teacher. "What I earn is chicken feed."
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What do you get when you cross a baby chicken with an alley cat?
A peeping tom.
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Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?
The outside.
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What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A chicken sand-witch.
***90------------------------------------------------------------------
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was eggspelled.
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Why should a school not be near a chicken farm?
So the pupils don't overhear fowl language.
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Did you hear about Dr Frankenstein's invention for cooking breakfast?
He crossed a chicken with an electric organ and now he's got Hammond eggs.
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What do you call a team of chickens playing football?
Fowl play.
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What do you get when you cross a Barbie and a grill?
BARBIE Q CHICKEN!
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Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: Because it was stuck to the chicken!
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Q: What do you call a Mexican chicken that says no.
A: Chicano
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The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of
chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the
box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different
directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood
scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired
crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned
home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed
to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you did real well, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."
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How did the chicken end up in the soup pot?
The farmer's wife told her it was a chicken Jacuzzi.
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Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
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Why did the chicken cross the state line?
To get out of Kentucky.
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If this answer requires further explanation, please request
clarification before rating it, and I'll be happy to look into this
further.
Nenna-GA
Google Answers Researcher
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