What is the nutritional content of human semen as it would appear on
standard food packaging? (Fat, Cholesterol, Sodium, Protein,
Carbohydrates (in grams), Vitamins (in percent daily value))

I've gathered some information for you on this subject. An actual
nutritional label can't really be duplicated for this substance, since
there is no officially recommended daily allowance, and the recipe
varies considerably from individual to individual. You might say that
the exact chemical and nutritional composition depends upon the
manufacturer. ;-)

"Composition of Semen
According to Sandor Gardos, Ph.D, the former About Sexuality Guide, it
contains very modest quantities of the following substances...

ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol,
choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid, fructose,
glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium,
nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid,
sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12,
and zinc."

About Allergies: Intimate Allergies
http://allergies.about.com/cs/intimate/a/aa121800a.htm

"Seminal fluid... is composed of dozens of chemical components. The
base of seminal fluid is primarily fructose (sugar) and proteins, with
many other trace minerals and substances. Here's a listing of some of
semen's ingredients:

Sugars: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol 
Proteins and amino acids: glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), creatine 
Minerals: Phosphorus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium 
Vitamins: Ascorbic acid (vitamin C), vitamin B12, choline 
Hormones: Testosterone, prostaglandins 
Body byproducts: Lactic acid, urea, uric acid, nitrogen...

Semen is a source of highly concentrated, high-quality protein. In
dietary terms, it's comparable to egg whites or gelatin. Besides
protein, semen contains high concentrations of some minerals, such as
zinc, and trace amounts of other important nutrients, like calcium and
magnesium."

Don't Spit, Swallow: Cum Nutrition Facts
http://www.dontspitswallow.com/cum_nutrition.shtml

"The amount of nutritive substance in semen varies as much as 100
percent from sample to sample; the amount of fructose (one of the main
sugars found in honey) in semen varies over a range of 400 percent.
Finally, the volume of ejaculate itself varies from 3 to 5 cubic
centimeters."

The Straight Dope: How many calories are in the average male ejaculation? 
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_054

"The chemical composition of ejaculate varies from individual to
individual and within the same individual from time to time. Semen is
essentially seminal plasma and spermatozoa. Approximately 8 percent of
the substance is dry weight. According to the fine print on the label,
it contains minute quantities of more than 30 elements such as
fructose, ascorbic acid, cholesterol, creatine, citric acid, urea,
uric acid, sorbitol, pyruvic acid, glutathione, inositol, lactic acid,
nitrogen, B12, various salts and enzymes."

Archived from Playboy.com: How many calories are there in male ejaculate?
http://web.archive.org/web/20021021213107/http://www.playboy.com/sex/columns/advisor/faq/calories.html

My Google search strategy:

Google Web Search: "semen OR ejaculate contains"
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22semen+OR+ejaculate+contains%22

Google Web Search: "composition of semen"
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22composition+of+semen%22

I hope this is helpful! If anything is unclear or incomplete, or if a
link doesn't work for you, please request clarification; I'll be glad
to offer further assistance before you rate my answer.

Best regards,
pinkfreud

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Request for Answer Clarification by gabermax-ga on 08 Dec 2005 12:03 PST

Thanks, that response was prompt and thorough.  I was hoping for an
average break-down in terms of percentages or grams (I'm a little bit
number obsessed) so I could make a few calculations.  But it does seem
like actual numerical data is not readily available on the internet. 
I followed one of your links to "The Straight Dope" and found a few
numbers that helped clarify things for me (~.1 grams protein).  I
guess this isn't a request for clarification...thanks pinkfreud.

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Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 08 Dec 2005 12:16 PST

I'm sorry I could not find precisely what you need.  

~pinkfreud

Prompt, thorough.  Needs more numbers (grams, percentages).  Satisfied customer.