According to the Wedding Etiquette sites I perused, you did more than
enough "giving" --however, you could have allocated it differently.
From the Money Matters Desk: Consumer report on wedding gifts
..."Eighty-five dollars. That's the average amount spent on a wedding
gift according to the Association of Bridal Consultants..."
Next, Emily Post:
How much should I spend?
..."There is no rule, so it is entirely up to you. Let your affection
for the bride and groom and your budget be your guide..."
And a wedding expert:
Question ~ How much is appropriate for the mother-in-law to be to
spend on the bridal shower gift? And the wedding gift? My ex and I
are contributing to the wedding expense.
..."There is no rule about the appropriate amount for any guest to
spend on a bridal shower gift. Generally, the gift selection is
limited only by the guest's imagination, taste and budget. Also,
generally speaking, a bridal shower gift should not be as elaborate or
as expensive as what you'd spend for a wedding gift.
As for the wedding gift, both the bride's and groom's family often
give gifts for their new household. For example, the groom's parents
may give the couple china, crystal or other furnishings for the new
home. Again, there's no set guideline for the amount each family
should spend on the gift. But for sentimental reasons, a gift that
will be used and enjoyed by the couple for many years is more valuable
to the bride and groom.
Keep in mind the general rule for any gift-giving is that it's the
thought that counts, not the dollar amount spent..."
Here's an article at "The Knot" that specifically breaks down how to
allocate the money you have decided to spend:
How Much Should you Spend?
..."Whether you?re gifting cash or presents, the exact formula of how
much you should spend depends on many factors: your finances;
conventions in your family and social circle; how well you know the
couple; and whether you?ll be spending a lot of money on
transportation and lodging, etc.
Step 1: Come up with a total expenditure that feels right to you. Be
sure to consider all the events: the showers, engagement parties, and
the wedding itself. Generally speaking, the closer you are to the
couple, the more you should gift. If you?re traveling great distances
to attend the celebration (and are thus spending a lot of money in
transit) then you may be expected to gift a little less.
Step 2: Portion out your total sum by event. Once you?ve figured out
what you want to spend on the couple?s gifts overall, you can break it
down by percentages so that the wedding gift gets the bulk of your
20% of your total on the engagement present
20% of your total on the shower gift
60% of your total on the wedding gift
That means if you?re spending $250 total, you?d spend $50 each on the
engagement and shower, and $150 on the wedding present.
(If you?re only invited to the shower, then spend the extra 20%
beefing up the wedding gift.)
Whatever you gift to the to-be-weds, as long as it?s heartfelt and
accompanied by a personally penned card of special, sweet wishes to
the couple you can?t go wrong..."
What to do now?
I would write a note to the bride and groom and explain that it has
been brought to your attention (it's up to you whether you name the
complainer) --that the amount of money you spent on the wedding gift
was proportionally wrong compared to the shower gift, --as far as
etiquette is concerned. Include that this was not your intent, nor do
you want it to be an issue, and that you hope both your gifts have
been received in the spirit in which they were intended, they were
given with love --and many hopes for your long and loving life
Then, thank your brother for pointing out the mistake you made as far
as money to gift allocation is concerned, and that in the future you
will follow etiquette more closely.
Don't be bullied into sending MORE money! I like Pink's idea, tell him
to send you a bill, and mention that after sending the Bride & Groom a
copy of the bill, you will frame it and point it out at the next
family holiday get-together, probably Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I hope this helps!
"wedding gift" AND "shower gift" "how much" OR spend OR cost OR money
married "wedding gift" AND "shower gift" value amount gift