My new blockbuster - ?The Misadventures of Digsalot Jones? - is now
being readied for production with Steven Seagal currently pencilled in
to play Digsy. It has been suggested that Bernadette Peters should be
considered for the role of Red Floyd, Digsy?s drop-dead gorgeous
assistant.

The story line revolves around a ring of rogue archaeologists, known
as ?The Tunnellers?, whose reckless excavations have caused the
toppling of The Statue of Liberty; the collapse of The Eiffel Tower;
the flooding of the Eurotunnel; and the draining off of the world?s
oil reserves.

Only the gentle, peace-loving, guitar-strumming Digsy can counter The
Tunnellers and his concerns for the environment persuade him to
abandon his bookish ways and to take up the challenge. Relying on his
trusty Colt M1911 automatic pistol and his skills as an Aikido-master
- 7th Dan, Digsy faces many hair-raising misadventures that will
excite audiences of all ages.

Two major casting problems remain: 

1: Is Segal, who is a vegetarian, the right choice to play the
food-guzzling Digsy? If not, Who should we consider?

2: Who to cast in the important supporting role of Omnivorous Potts,
crackpot inventor, jazz trumpeter and pilot of the Sopwith Camel F1
biplane that provides fiery and temperamental transport for Digsy and
Red?

Other parts may be offered to:

Cynthia Redsox ? Chief Tunneller
Leli MacTaggert ? Bagpipe Player
Steff Steffersen ? Canadian Yodeller
Angela Easter ? Disgraced Filipino General
Polly Guroo ? Marian Paroo, the Librarian
Subby Lime ? Harry?s Brother
Myo Orang ? Digsy?s pet Ape

Researchers (or Commentators) who provide any inspired help will be
flown to the Premiere in the actual Sopwith Camel used in the
production.

Many thanks!

I find Seagal too New Yorkish with his Brooklyn accent... maybe
Christopher Walken would do a better impression. :)

Or that actor who played the long-haired planet creation director in
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy... a quick view of IMDB reveals
Slartibartfast played by Bill Nighy. ;)

Who the heck is Harry, and why is he doing that?

Doesn't Daisy have a thing for [sic] Seagals?

Here's some ideas... how many does it take to get an invite?

Pink E. Freudly - Set Psychiatrist
Paf A. Laugha - Mood Quality Tester
Byrdwoman - Sholder Spy
Miss E. - Form Keeper

M. Other911 - Cynthia Redsocks personal bodyguard/wiseguy ;-)

I find no mention of this movie in HSX
http://movies.hsx.com/servlet/SecuritySearch?exchange=movies&keyword=digsalot

Perhaps this Digsalot should be involved:
http://answers.google.com/answers/ratings?user=4471105753175883022

I do hope that the librarian would be played by Angelina Jolie. Some
say that we have been separated at birth (but then again, they are
either blind or married to me).

Hmmm?  Does Digsy really need a pet ape?  Well, maybe he is sort of
like a court joker and throws in comments that may or may not be
helpful to the plot  - or may just be pure gibberish ...  I guess the
person cast in the role won't be important enough to beg out because
the text seems too absurd.
Sublime as the right idea, let Daisy have the role.  Seems like a
"gentle, peace-loving, guitar-strumming Digsy" would be more likely to
have a pet dog, Lassy-like (regardless of size), sniffing out the evil
Tunnelers and warning him of traps and land mines.  (Could also eat
all the meat from Seagal's plate, maybe a clever way to let him accept
the role.)
Archie Fossilbird could assist Marian Paroo with historical research
for Digsy, with translation help from Willy Silverland.

But now I am going to emulate Odysseus and shoulder my oar and go
inland  - well at least as far as the fridge.

While dutifully offering a libation to Poseidon, it occurred to me
that you need assistants, Bryan:
Allaman Writer and Tagalong Reader, either to help with the screamplay
or/and as roles as the story moves from country to country.
And the Rider of the Crimson Steed can be a leitmotif, appearing like
the Ghost Riders in the Sky to foreshadow the next scary scene, so
that the couples in the cinema know to tighten their embrace.
You also need a savy cop.  I wouldn't cast him in a comic relief role
as a drag ballerina, definitely not his style, but maybe you need an
RC cleric somewhere:
Pater Toot-Toots, or Tootoo (still doesn't sound like a flattering role).

.. I suspect there is a surprising twist at the end of the story,
revealing that Digsalot is a double agent who masterminds the
Tunnelers.
   *Digsalot*...*Tunnelers*...Coincidence? Not bloody likely,
monroe22

Monroe, Really!

I did not want the surprise twist in the tail to be given away.

Anyhow, I am pleased to announce that both Cynthia and Polly Guru have
won invites to the Premiere.

(They would have been invited anyway.)

But, so far, no men.

I am afraid that Sublime1 has performed abysmally by confessing that
he's never heard of Harry Lime. The Vienna Sewers, Cuckoo Clocks,
Anton Karas ...?

Yes, Daisy did have an affair with a Seagull but when her eggs hatched
they contained crocodiles that tried to eat her. She was not very
happy about that. End of the Big Romance.

The judges have commended Myo but regret that, so far, he's not done
enough to convince them that he's got what it takes to be a Hollywood
Casting Director.

Anyway, thank you all for trying!

Bryan

"... affair with a seagull"  Oooh, Auch!

I'm just trying to buy my way out of your type casting, painfully
accurate though it may be, but it is flattering to have been
considered at all in this elite company.

Great question, Bryan.

IF now someone could explain why on page 4 or 5 of "all questions"
suddenly a handful from 2003 and 2004 appeared  - expired questions
that could no longer be commented on.  Does G-A have the hiccoughs
still after a boozy weekend?

I have heared that this Movie will be opening up against Ishtar 2 and
therefore may not do well at the box office.

Pray for good Straight to DVD results.

Hi, Myo

After the previous boozy weekend, the numbering system went awry. I am
just surprised that none of the techies has posted a question here on
how to avoid future mishaps.

Hi, Canadianhelper

Me? I've never heard of Ishtar 1 or 2. Sounds like a Barbra
Streisand-Robert Redford thing. Right?

Bryan

I have just checked out Ishtar and it BOMBED at the box office, even
without Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford.

I reckon Digsy can compete with ANYTHING.

Just wait for the Oscars!

So far nobody has made any suggestion for the role of Omnivorous Potts!

So, my current thinking is Eddie Murphy.

How about that?

probonopublico

Its called syncronicity:

Quote 1: Me? I've never heard of Ishtar 1 or 2. Sounds like a Barbra
Streisand-Robert Redford thing. Right?

Quote 2: I have just checked out Ishtar and it BOMBED at the box office, even
without Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford.

Truly an example of intuition on your part!

Great news!

I've decided to play the part of Digsy myself.

Well why not? Clint Eastwood seems to do OK at both ends of the camera.

(Sorry Steven)

Of course, this now means that the rest of the cast will have to
perform at their very best.

Good thinking, huh?

Bryan

What an ego trip!  Or is it Bernadette Peters ... ;-) You know the story line.

It was Bernadette's suggestion and then her insistence.

She has very good taste.

I admire her.

Did she, now?  (I guess her red hair put me on to that Irish turn of phrase.)

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.metroweekly.com/articles/attachments/2005-08-25_music_1734_2517.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.metroweekly.com/arts_entertainment/music.php%3Fak%3D1734&h=310&w=225&sz=20&tbnid=EzqKu9hrj2DNiM:&tbnh=112&tbnw=81&hl=en&start=161&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbernadette%2Bpeters%26start%3D160%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26c2coff%3D1%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN

What does the monkey get to see?  Maybe I want the role after all.

Sorry, Myo

Maybe you won't get to play the Ape after all.

We've decided to go for a real animal.

But if anything else comes along, we'll let you know.

Don't phone us.

Ah well, that's show business.